It's fair to say I hit a brick wall recently. Sometime last week something just clicked and I was not okay all of a sudden. I've said before what a weird time university is and there was a point last week when I just went "I want to go home" and as luck would have it I was due home that weekend. It did me the world of good, along with meeting with my personal tutor on Tuesday to try and work out of my rut and getting my braces off yesterday as well. Life throws so many curveballs and sometimes it throws them for absolutely no bloody reason whatsoever and catching them can get so so overwhelming.
Another thing I find overwhelming is city life. It's so easy to get caught up in loneliness when you live in halls, and as my tutor said (and I think only MCR students will relate but I'll try) you can get caught in the "Oxford Road bubble". Oxford Road is the main road in Manchester where both universities are and most halls of residence and by him saying that he means that it's so easy to get stuck just going from halls to uni back to halls again and doing the same thing every day, never getting out and seeing the non-student side of the city. And I think that articulates perfectly what kind of rut I've been stuck in. I'm going to be honest, I lowkey hate the stereotypical university lifestyle where you drink three days every weekend and snort ket and cocaine constantly and you're always broke and never go to uni. I hate people who try too hard to fit that stereotype because honestly, that's not a life. It's not the life I'm interested in. When you live in such a student orientated city it's so so hard to see beyond the students and see real life behind the smokescreen of alcohol and drugs that characterises everyday student life. So I've promised him I'm going to try something new - go to different bars and different places and explore a bit more, try and get much more familiar with the non-student side of the city. I'm even tempted to do a poetry open mic night?!
I like where my head is today. I like that I'm on a positivity high from getting my braces off (!!) and I like that I felt less self-conscious taking these photos today than I did last time. I like that I could be bothered to get out of bed this morning and I like that I could be bothered to clean my room and bathroom. Sometimes I think a recharge is what you need. Self-care doesn't always involve a Lush bath bomb and a face mask - sometimes it's needing to do something drastic like going home for a weekend and seeing your family. Sometimes it needs to be sitting down for an hour and just writing whatever comes to your mind. Sometimes it needs to be dancing around your room listening to Christmas music and fuck anyone who tells you it's still November. Sometimes it's just the tiny things that make life better and more interesting.
Also what can I say - back at it with the jeans/jumper/jacket combo. Although I made it a little smarter with Chelsea boots and a tiny bit more festive with a bright red scarf this time. This brown jumper is soooo soft and snuggly, and was only like £14 from Boohoo. Not sure my red scarf really matches it but I love it so who really cares?! Still got a lotta love for these boots too, having had them since like Year 12 so around two years now. They're so comfy and can look so smart too - M&S, you did well. Also my uni building cafe now does festive cups and it's red with a reindeer and says "Merry and Bright" and if that's not festive AF I don't know what is.
Can we also talk quickly about these blue skies today?! Winter days like these are my favourites, where the air is cold and crisp but it's totally dry, not a raincloud in sight. There's a slight covering of frost and all the browned leaves are blanketed in it. I just love it so much and I'm really hoping it snows here this year. We never get snow at home so I'm counting on you, Northern weather!!
How could I not include a picture of my new cheesy grin?! I'm so happy and it's made the world of difference. New teeth, new me. Although my retainer does have to be taken out every time I drink tea and as you know, that means it's in and out about seven/eight times a day.
(photos by my good egg Ellie)
What do you guys do to get back on track?
Em xx
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