Hi there gorgeous pals.

Once again, it has been a hot minute since I stepped my weirdly tiny feet into this corner of the internet. And hey, I might only be doing it now as a procrastination technique (avoiding the dissertation is becoming as difficult as the dissertation itself).

In all honesty, I've really only just felt ready to sit down and talk about everything that's gone on over the past few months - and I won't be going into anything in great detail so not tooo much juicy gossip over here. But trust me when I say it's been a lot. 

Let's get the more negative things out of the way! I've been on a hell of a journey since I last chatted to you guys, where through trials and tribulations of dating, having another partner and a whole polycule I've decided that "polyamory" in the true meaning of it just isn't for me. Non-monogamy is much more my style and the phrase I'm going with for the time being until I figure it out. I've also been through two breakups - both with the other partner and the whole polycule. We're fine - the situation is still a bit delicate but Gus and I are still good and strong and really, that's the most important part to me! No more detail needed than that, though, because as I've learned, situations involving five people with very different needs, wants and ways of figuring things out can get quite tricky quite quickly. After taking some time away from non-monogamy for myself though, I've started dating again, and have made some wonderful new friends who are enriching my life in truly excellent ways. All's well that ends well!

Other than that, since we last spoke I've been through two deadline seasons that nearly killed me, and am as of yesterday four weeks away from finishing my dissertation and my Master's completely. I've loved every second of it, but not sure how sad I'll be to see the back of it. So Emilia, what will you be doing once it's finished? Moving home again?

Well I'm glad you've asked because actually...no. And this is the most exciting part of my life update - your gal got a real life, proper, adult, salary-paying graduate job. I'll be starting as a Graduate Creative Copywriter at the end of August with a company based in Manchester, so I get to stay here for as long as I want to now. And while my brain is constantly flicking back to regretting the decision to sign my life away, I am so incredibly happy and grateful that I got the opportunity to do this job as it's exactly what I wanted and I just can't wait to stop being a student and start being a Real Adult.

And on top of that friends, staying in Manchester also means I get to stay living in the tiny shoebox of a flat that Gus and I have moved into!! We moved at the end of June, him for the fifth and final year of his medicine degree and me just until I finished my MA and knew what I was doing afterwards. And now I know what I'm doing I'm being added to the tenancy agreement as we speak and officially am living here. The flat is proving to be small, but an excellent place for the two of us to start real life together and so incredibly cheap. Of course, he'll be studying for the next year until his own real life starts but it does mean I get a 25% reduction on council tax....which reminds me, I need to sort that out sooner rather than later.

Council tax aside, it definitely feels as if a new chapter of my life is opening up and I'm very ready for it. There's still a lot of processing on my side to be done and I'm coming out of the last few months feeling a bit fragile (for some reason it feels like I've been through one of those rock polishers, that's honestly the best way I can describe it) but hey, if anyone was in need of some toxic positivity, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? And as well as that, I've gained probably more than what I've lost, so I'm just trying to focus on that bit for now.

How are all of you doing?! Do catch me up, I'd love to hear about it.

Emilia xxx 

"Don't You Ever Feel Jealousy?" | Debunking The Most Common Polyamory Myth

 "Don't you ever feel jealous?"

"I can't believe you never feel jealous"

"Imagine being okay with this"

...these are just a few of the things we hear from monogamous people about the concept of jealousy in polyamory. Today, I want to talk about it, debunk the myths surrounding jealousy in polyamory and try to reframe jealousy in a different way. And I would say the most common myth is this, and this can apply to monogamy and polyamory alike - and perhaps other ENM styles which I don't know enough about as I just haven't experienced them.

"Jealousy is a negative emotion, and I should never feel it.

If I do, I should bottle it up, not talk about it and get over it."

I'm here to tell you first and foremost: this is a lie.

Firstly: jealousy is not a negative emotion.

Secondly: it is normal and natural to feel jealousy.

Thirdly: you absolutely have got to talk about it.

Let's get into this a bit more.

The first thing to do when you start getting that ol' jealousy type feeling, or at least what I do when I start feeling that way is to simply feel it. Don't say "I need to stop feeling this way right now" or "I can't feel like this" just...sit there. Feel it. Let it overwhelm you for a second and just get used to feeling what jealousy feels like. Acknowledge it. Even say it out loud to yourself - "I am feeling jealous". After all - one of the main things in polyamory is communication and if you can't communicate with yourself and acknowledge these feelings to yourself - how are you going to do that with your partner? 

The thing with jealousy is that it always comes from somewhere. There's always a reason you're feeling it and identifying why you feel that way is vital to learning how to deal with it. I feel like this is the easy bit though. For me, jealousy usually is from three reasons - envy, neglect or insecurity.

Envy

This is simple. I want what my partner has. If he's talking to someone new - I want it too. I remember back in the November lockdown he texted his other partner (my meta) "I miss you" and I got sad because I wanted that too - I wanted someone to tell me they missed me. I wanted my partner to tell me he missed me which was ridiculous because he lives with me right now. It isn't that I don't want him to have what he has, I just want it to.

Neglect

I generally feel neglect when I feel like I'm not receiving the same, or a greater level of attention than someone my partner is seeing, or maybe we haven't gone on a date night in a while, or maybe your own partner has given their other partner flowers and they haven't given you flowers in a while. I think this comes more into play for me in non-Covid times because obviously right now we live together and we aren't physically dating other people. There's only one thing that solves this really - communication. Tell your partner how you're feeling, say it out loud and then rectify from there.

Insecurity

This is my tough one and something I get hung up on way too much. In my last blog post about polyamory I wrote about how polyamory or ENM in general will force you to face your insecurities and simply not have them. I personally don't think this is possible though - the thing with insecurity is that we all have it. We're all in this mindset of comparing ourselves to everyone else constantly and this (pardon me going on a tangent) is directly linked to capitalism and how ingrained we are with it. Capitalism cannot thrive if people don't compare themselves and are constantly trying to achieve more than everyone else around them, and thus we get caught in cycles of comparison and striving to be better than other people. And it's a bloody hard thing to unlearn. 

I think what's helped me most with my insecurities is figuring out what makes me feel good about myself - when I'm looking after myself and actually doing uni work and exercise and reading I'm significantly more secure in myself - but also learning that different does not mean better or worse, or more or less. It's just different. We are all just different people - no one is better than anyone else, and your partner does not like someone else more than you or find someone else more interesting - they're just different. In the same way that your relationship with one friend is different to another and the relationship you might have with your dad is different to your mum, the relationship you have to different partners are just different - and different is always, always a good thing.

Poly vs Mono

There's this notion I think, that polyamorous people feel jealousy more, or get more jealous than monogamous people do, and I'm here to tell you that it just isn't true. In monogamous relationships I've felt jealous, inadequacy and fear the same way I do now, because jealousy does not come from the situation - it comes from you and how you are reacting to something. When I was in a mono relationship I was constantly in the mindset that "the grass is greener on the other side" for both of us, but now I actually get to see whether it is. And what do you know - it isn't greener and it isn't less green, it's just a different shade.

Jealousy is not a bad emotion to feel. It is just an emotion, and the thing with emotions is that they must be felt. If I've learned anything in time spent in therapy, or years battling depression it's that emotions are better when acknowledged, felt and talked about. 

Let me know if you have any other questions about polyamory, and I'll do my best to answer them and talk about it more!

Emilia xx

Some Lessons I've Learned From Polyamory

 

Hey everyone!!! I had some thoughts that I wanted to get down and hey - where better than to get them down on my lil corner of the internet?!

So let's update you first on where our relationship is at. I wrote in February about how me and my boyfriend have been in an open relationship since we began (May 2019) and how we intend to keep it very much that way. Since then we've moved on somewhat from an open relationship to simply being polyamorous. The difference is that in an open relationship, your other relationships are mostly sexual relationships, whereas in polyamory you're freer to make romantic or otherwise connections with outside partners. Both of us would now say we're straight up poly rather than being just in an open relationship. And it's really been a quite wild ride, especially over the past few months. During Covid neither of us have dated that much, but we've both dated a little bit now and are even in a lovely little polycule situation (more on this if you want it!) and having a great time - even if the latest lockdown has put a spanner in our works a little bit. This isn't going to be the most in depth post you've ever read, but I just wanted to cover a few things I've learned about myself since being in a polyamorous relationship. This is something I want to start talking about more on this lil space so count this as dipping my toe in the water to see if y'all like it :) let's gooooooo!!!!

1. You have to be so secure in yourself.

Honestly, this is probably the biggest lesson I've learned, and I'm still learning it really. You have to really learn how not to compare yourself constantly to someone that your partner is dating, and most of that comes from security in yourself and your abilities. Obviously none of us can be 100% secure 100% of the time, but knowing who you are is actually a pretty important step in this. Something I've found helpful is finding a couple of things that make me feel really good - I love feeling clever and I love feeling physically strong, both of those things make me feel incredibly powerful, so whenever I'm having a Bad Day I'll try and do something physical like yoga, or weights, or slacklining, or read something and do some university work. It helps to take my mind off negative feelings but also makes me feel good about myself and my abilities too.

2. Jealousy is the most normal emotion, and it does not have to be negative

This kind of relates to lesson 1 I guess. But accepting that jealousy is very natural and it's actually okay to feel jealous is a big step to take. We're told constantly that jealousy is bad and it's weird if you're jealous and jealousy is the ugliest emotion, but it's actually not. What is bad is how you choose to deal with it, but inherently feeling jealous is completely natural, and I think these days it'd actually be weirder if you didn't feel jealousy ever. The way we deal with it just talking about it - communication is another thing polyamory has forced out of me and I'm much better at talking about and pinpointing my emotions these days.

3. Comparison is the thief of joy

I think we all know this and we're all aware of this. Being aware of it doesn't stop it happening though. I still haven't really found a solution to this except lots of reassurance/validation but having read a lot of advice blogs/subreddits about this, I believe time is the cure, as well as being secure in yourself. It can be very easy to constantly think about everything that your meta (metamor = your partner's partner) has that you don't, but it's not constructive or helpful to think like that. What is though, is thinking about everything you both have and all the wonderful reasons you both love the same person and the reasons that person loves both of you.

4. Seeing your partner happy takes everything else away

There's a concept in polyamory called compersion which I guess could be seen as the opposite of jealousy, and I LOVE it. We're not conditioned to feel happy when your partner has a great time with someone else, but every now and again I've felt this warm, gooey, honey-like feeling inside me when Gus is telling me about a great date he's gone on and seeing him happy takes away every other negative emotion for me. I love that our relationship allows him to be fully himself and it's a lovely feeling to see it every day. 

5. You'll probably fall in love with everyone you meet from now on

Bit more of a lighthearted one to finish, but if you're anything like me, it'll probably start happening like this. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.

Let me know if polyamory is something you want to see me talking more about in 2021!!

Emilia x

2021 - Who Even Needs New Year Resolutions?

 

Certainly not me, is the answer to that question.

Congrats my dudes - we made it. We made it to 2021 and I'm pretty sure we all want to cancel already because let's be real, the 7 day free trial really hasn't been that good. What with being back in lockdown, what can only be called domestic terrorism in the US and shitty, shitty weather here in the UK, there really isn't much going on that can be described as "happy" this new year. Although, once again I did take a small absolutely fucking massive hiatus from this blog which means I DO have stuff to talk about.

So, where did I leave you last time? I think I was in a massive breakdown over my life and my future and not particularly sure what I was doing with myself. Well, the good news is that I am actually doing something with myself, but the bad news is that I'm still kind of in the breakdown over my life and my future. But back to the good news. I ended up getting accepted onto the Linguistics MA I applied for and have been on it since September! And it's good but Master's life is a big step up from Bachelor's life, don't get me wrong. I'm kind of glad I can't have a social life right now rather than not being able to go out due to work - at least it's everyone, not just me I guess! But it's fun, and the course content is, dare I say it, intensely more interesting than anything I learned in my undergrad. I'm kind of wishing I had done something like this for my undergrad but it's no bother, I'm doing it now and I'm feeling cleverer and more intellectual and like I'm really using my brain for the first time in three years.

So lockdown hasn't brought about many changes for me, to be honest - I was lucky enough to be able to spend Christmas with my family, and managed to get back to Manchester before lockdown kicked in and spend New Year with some special people (very safely - we were tested and negative so all was well) and after a very intense deadline period and a few days of relaxation I'm ready to get back into uni and take lockdown in my stride yet again, just like the other two. Gus has once again moved in with me and my other two new housemates for now (I say new, I've been living with them since October and it's been so good) so I get to have him around a lot.

I feel like life is very slow and very fast all at the same time right now - I can't quite believe we're in 2021 already but the first week has just dragged so very much. But I'm still going, still plodding on and to be honest, I think that's going to be my only resolution for 2021. I achieved a lot in 2020 and it still feels like I'm recovering if I'm honest, so I think I'm going to use 2021 to be gentle on myself, at least in the first few months anyway.

I want to start taking my health seriously, and start yoga in a serious way - we've started Yoga by Adriene's Breath challenge and while we aren't doing it every day, we're doing pretty well! I also have been ~thinking~ a lot lately, and I know I say every year that I'm going to start blogging properly again but I think this year might actually be the year. I've learned a lot about various big issues recently and think it may be time to start writing my thoughts down again, as well as potentially starting to create content on YouTube again. Like I said though, I'm going to be gentle on myself, and do things I truly want to do for myself.

Most importantly though, I want to keep growing and learning and becoming the best version of myself - 2020 put us all through a lot and I feel like 2021 isn't going to let up any time soon, so the best thing any of us can do is just keep plodding on and be nice to ourselves.

What are your new year's resolutions for 2021 - if you have any?

Emilia xx

August Slipped Away... | Hello September

Um...hey.

You know, I really don't think I realised what time of year it was until a few days ago when suddenly it was the 31st August and I went onto Animal Crossing and Isabelle told me September was...the next day. I was shocked because so far this year March and April felt like six months and June, July and August just slipped away. Like a moment in time, as Taylor Swift would say.

Believe it or not this is the first September in seventeen years that I haven't had plans for. Usually this time of year is about stressing over whether all my things will fit in the car, looking forward to being back at university, buying new stationery and whatnot, but this year I'm kind of just...at home. I'm hoping not to be - I actually applied for an MA in English Language & Linguistics a couple of weeks ago and I'm waiting for an answer from that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed so hard because I haven't really thought about what the plan is if I get rejected, but hey - we will cross that bridge if we come to it.

Other than that life is pretty slow still. I've spent most of the last few months feeling a little bit stagnant, a little bit "sit-at-home-and-watch-Netflix" vibes, and it really isn't a bad thing I don't think. It's the first summer in three years I've been able to do it so it's been quite relaxing. I made a few Tiktoks here and there - although none have gone viral again which is a bummer - and considered starting up YouTube again but unsure how I feel about that. I also started about three blogposts and never finished them, and took some Instagram photos but never uploaded them...there's a bit of a theme here. I'm trying not to feel too bad about this though, I will get out of my rut when I feel like it.

I have also seen my boyfriend which was lovely - there were a few days the other week when he was alone in his house so I took the opportunity to ~legally~ see him in Manchester. The drive was pretty horrendous but hey, I had an amazing few days with him. One of the blogposts I started was actually going to be about adjusting to a long-distance relationship so that may still be to come.

One thing I've been doing for the past month is running, actually. When my older sister moved back to London (she came home for the duration of lockdown) my dad seriously missed his running buddy so he decided to try one more time to get me into it. If you know me, you will know I detest running - I tried to get into it so many times but I always found it so boring and so hard to breathe and just generally difficult. But we started off doing gentle 500m jogs to and from the village church and a month later I can comfortably(ish) run 4km!! I want to be able to get to 5km and Dad thinks it could happen in the next week or so. I didn't do any exercise since the climbing centres closed and honestly, I forgot how good a bit of exercise makes me feel. And I'd been feeling a bit off about my body after losing a lot of my strength so it feels good to be leaning up again. My abs are coming back!!

I've been listening to folklore, having socially-distanced brunch at my grandparents every Saturday, re-watching Gilmore Girls and all the Marvel films (I started with Black Panther after Chadwick Boseman's passing hit me way hard and got into that Marvel hole of wanting to watch all of them), playing Animal Crossing and Dragon Quest Builders, thinking a lot about white corporate feminism and crying here and there. So life...really hasn't changed that much, and is beginning to feel a small semblance of normal again. We're going away for a week on Saturday to Cornwall, and a staycation is well anticipated by everyone in this household right now!

September will be good for me, and I'm looking forward to it.

How are y'all doing pals?

Em xx

I Graduated And I'm Unhappy

Oh it's been a long time. Once again I had an accidental hiatus, once again I swore I would do better and start writing more, and once again it just didn't happen. Why? I graduated, and I'm seriously unhappy about it.

This is what university does not set you up for. It does not set you up for the crushing reality of moving back home, a job market devastated by a global pandemic and the feeling that everyone around you is moving on with their lives but you're not. I helped my sister move back to London the other day which sucked. She came home for a few weeks at the beginning of lockdown, a few weeks turned into a few months and she finally got her life back right when I feel like I lost mine. And I am decidedly despondent. My good friend Han wrote about post-graduate depression on Twitter the yesterday and I don't think I've ever seen it summed up so well, so I thought I would add my two cents into the conversation and just talk about how I'm feeling.

Graduates this year obviously have it hard, as I mentioned in my last post we didn't have graduation, nights out etc, but now that the dust has settled on that disappointment we're having to deal with the next hurdle and that's how dire the job market is looking right now. But Emilia, weren't you going to do a Masters course? Why do you need a job? I hear you ask. Well yes, you're right. But after a lot of thinking I've decided that maybe a two year very expensive MFA isn't the right path for me. I'm still considering the MA route but there's a lot to think about and take into account. It may still happen, but we'll see.

And on top of all of this, I have debilitating existential anxiety that comes over me in gigantic waves the size of a tsunami. I've suffered with death anxiety for a long time but never in this way. My life suddenly seems stretched out ahead of me with no direction and no purpose and I'm just constantly thinking "one day I won't exist anymore" and this thought is just the most crushing thought I've ever had and I just can't seem to shake it at the moment. And how on earth do you even cope with this?? I'm feeling extremely nihilistic and helpless at the moment, and that along with just nothing to do is a pretty desperate combination.

I don't think we talk about post-graduate depression enough. Sure, there's the handful of students that get accepted onto graduate schemes and graduate jobs pretty much fresh out of university, but the majority of us don't have that and like I said earlier, reality really does hit hard. Finishing a chapter of your life as big as uni is never going to be easy and I just think there's way too much pressure put on graduates to "start life" when we've barely come to terms with the fact that life as we know it is over.

I think that brings me to the end of my brain fart. I'm not really sure what I wanted to get out of writing this post, maybe just to check in with myself and get all these thoughts down, but also to check in with any of my friends. I know a few of my online pals have also graduated this year and just wanted to put my feelers out and make sure you're coping okay. If you're not (this is something I repeatedly tell myself) this will not last forever! We'll find our places in the world soon enough, and we don't need to put any pressure on finding it.

With love,

Emilia xx

From Student To Graduate | Finishing Uni In The Time Of Covid-19

Hey friends. So...life got pretty weird in the few months since I last updated this blog, didn't it? One minute, things were normal and we were going about our daily business, and the next minute we're in lockdown, unable to see our friends and family, go to work, university, the shops...anything, pretty much.

Firstly, how have you all been coping? I'm okay - after a lot of consternation in my house I moved to live with my boyfriend, it was the right thing to do and I've had a great time here the past few months. It's given me time to focus on myself, getting used to a new routine, spending time with G and most importantly, finishing my degree.

So that's the other weird thing - as of the 14th May, I handed in my dissertation and completed my undergraduate degree. And boy, has it been anticlimactic. I think I speak for the entire class of 2020, all around the world even, when I say that. Our end of uni nights out, our trips and holidays away, our graduation ceremonies all just gone out the window. I've got over my initial upset, I think. When the email came round to say our graduation had been cancelled I got pretty sad, as I've worked incredibly hard over the last three years, especially this year, and to not be graduating when I should have been is incredibly sad for all of us, I think.

I'm trying to continue asnormal - I'm heading home at the end of June as my lease ends, so I'll be saying goodbye to Manchester but only for a few months, hopefully. My longterm plan is to continue with my studies in September and am in the process of applying for an MFA in Scriptwriting, while also finding some sort of full-time job....and I'm not really sure what that looks like right now!! It's fair to say things are pretty uncertain right now in terms of applying and interviewing and getting jobs but fingers crossed I'll be able to find something. 

My jobs for the moment mostly are sorting out my damn CV, my personal statement for my MFA application and a myriad of things on my Animal Crossing island....fictional games aside though, I also have to go back and pack up my house which I really don't want to do given that I detest packing with every fibre of my being!! But it does mean I've got enough to keep me busy for the moment, which is what I've been struggling with a lot since finishing my degree. Coronavirus aside, I've really lost all sense of purpose since finishing university! I've got about three months before starting my Masters with pretty much nothing to do since both of my summer jobs are obviously off, so trying to stay motivated to work and create things is proving to be a bit of a challenge. I'm not really sure how to tackle this, though, so if any of you have any tips for motivation in the time of Covid, it would be great to hear them!

I think that's it for now - hopefully y'all are staying safe and staying well! Lots of love my friends.

Emilia xx

So, I'm In An Open Relationship | V-Day Special

Hoooooo BOY it's a big one!!! 14th February and guess day it is? Yep, Valentine's Day - the day every couple everywhere (and friends if you're talking about my best friend Jess and I last year) celebrates their love for one another and go on cute date nights and just generally be in love. It's nice! And the story is cool. 

But I kinda wanted to do something a bit different and I thought what better time to write about this than now? It's something I've wanted to talk about a lot on the blog but never really known how to go about it, so I thought I would do a little "commonly asked questions" or "myths vs facts" about being in an open relationship, talk about how it started, why we're in it and how I'm finding it and the future. (Hope you're ready for a VERY long blog post)

So for those of you who know me in real life, you'll know all about the background to my boyfriend and I meeting - we met in mid-May 2019, a month after I'd broken up with my ex and a couple months after he broke up with his. Neither of us were looking for anything serious (in fact he was my first date after my breakup and I was adamant I wouldn't be getting in a relationship any time soon after that) and wanted something very slow, very casual but fun at the same time, so we embarked on a sort of friends with benefits/booty call arrangement. If you also know me in real life you'll know it's very odd for me to be able to do this without falling head over heels in love with someone - I am very clingy so the fact I was so chilled with it just showed me that I really didn't want or need a committed relationship at this point. Around July time we sort of started having feelings for each other but decided we wouldn't do anything except acknowledge it and carry on as we are. We liked each other as more than friends (so rebranded as a booty call with feelings) but neither of us liked the idea of not seeing other people or having restrictions on dating/shenanigans with others. I was also very conscious of the fact that I've never really explored my bisexuality that much and I didn't want to be in a relationship where I couldn't do that.

Obviously summer 2019 we spent a couple months apart but when I moved back to Manchester in September we started spending a lot more time together and going on dates and everything else and we started talking about where it was going and agreed that an open relationship would work best for both of us and fit exactly with what we wanted. Open relationships work differently couple to couple but we don't really have any restrictions on who we date or sleep with, it's pretty much a free for all (although I think if he slept with one of my housemates or my sisters I'd have a problem...). 

People like to judge open relationships and the amount of "what if" scenarios people bombard me with when they find out (what if he falls in love with someone else? What if you get married, would it still be open? That kind of ilk) is kinda crazy. And the "oh, I could never be okay with my boyfriend sleeping with someone else" is a bit annoying. I think for me, it's a lot to do with my attitude to sex and how that's changed in the last year or so. I don't particularly see sex as a big thing, a relationship to me isn't about having sex - it's more about the connection I have with the other person and the actual emotional relationship I have with them and honestly that's probably why I'm okay with my boyfriend having sex with other girls. 

It's also helped both of us be way more honest and open and communication definitely isn't one of my strong points - I get very caught up in not wanting to upset people so I tend to just not say anything at all and this has definitely changed since being in an open relationship. Gus always says too that it takes the taboos away from finding other people attractive and makes jealousy less of an issue and that's really been the case for both of us. I haven't really found myself getting jealous of him since we've been together and he doesn't with me either - if anything, it's kind of fun to be able to talk about finding other people attractive and wanting to sleep with other people and date other people rather than being ashamed of feeling that way and hiding it.

We don't really talk about the future. We don't really discuss the "what ifs" because there's not really any point. If he had feelings for another girl he would tell me and we would talk about it then - it's not like I would be surprised or shocked by him suddenly leaving me for someone else because that just isn't how a relationship like this works - you have to be open to not only other people but communicating with each other and checking in on your feelings constantly. It sounds like a lot of work but honestly, I've had a happier and healthier year with him than I have done in any previous monogamous relationship (which is something my friends have also noticed in me) and instead of being worried about how the future will pan out for us, I'm kind of looking forward to it more than anything.

I LOVE talking about my relationship and sex and all good things so if you have any more questions for me about this please don't hesitate!! I'd love to hear from ya.

Em xx

Approaching New Year Slightly Differently

So here's the thing - I've never really been one for goal setting. I don't know if you guys who've stuck around a while can tell. A list of things to try and achieve has always put me off trying to achieve anything really, and to be honest, I think that's where I've been going wrong for the past twenty years. You see, I put way too much pressure on myself to meet goals if they're very specific, for example number goals, or career goals, or money goals. There will come a time in my life where I think I'll need to have goals like that but friends, that time is 100% not now.

So let me tell you how I'm approaching the New Year slightly differently this time round. I was off to a good start last year when I said I was going to try and stick to a 'life motto' of trying harder but I also think that was a little too broad. This year, I'm trying to find a happy medium between the two and that all starts with an outlook change. In my eyes, anyway. Maybe I'm spurred on this time round not just because it's a new year, but an entire new decade - and let's be real, if you can't change yourself for a new decade, when can you?

So Emilia, what is this new outlook you're talking about? Well friends, that is simply not giving a fuck. You may have read the genius book by Sarah Knight named "The Life-Changing Art Of Not Giving A Fuck" and I am currently reading it, and decided that it's basically the best thing I've ever read and I definitely need to start employing these techniques into my life. It also comes along with the realisation that there are a lot of things in my life that I worry about, care about or stress over way more than I should, and things that do deserve that stress but don't get enough of it because I'm too busy worrying about other things. Does that make sense? So along with giving less of a fuck, I'm going to start being more mindful (zen is the word I've been using a lot recently) and apply worry, stress and fucks where they are needed, and take them away from where they're wasted.

This comes hand in hand with a newfound interest in the law of attraction, manifestation and general interest in mindfulness and meditation and I think I'd really like to learn more about these techniques and methods and start using them in my day-to-day life. I'm also going to try the Full Potential Challenge, where essentially you just look after yourself and see what you can achieve when you're at full potential - I really let myself go in December and as a result have some health problems I need to try and tackle before they spiral any further and I have to go to the GP (no thanks) and I think it was definitely a wake-up call I needed to just get a bit healthier really so that's also on the list.

The full potential also comes along with trying a bit more to be fully myself - and this for sure means my outward aesthetic. I've been wanting to explore my personal style for so long now, lusting after dreamy clothes and fashion on Instagram and I've decided 2020 is going to be my year to finally grow the balls to wear the clothes I actually want to wear rather than hiding away. It also means going out with gold stars and glitter on my eyes if I really want to. I'll be trying to share this more on my Instagram (which has been so inactive recently and as a result I lost like a hundred followers).

2019 brought a lot of growth and change for me - I went through heartbreak, lost a once close friend (for the right reasons though) and had some very down days indeed, but I also found the healthiest relationship I've had with another human for a long time, moved in with my best friends (best decision I have ever made) and learned to be much more open and honest about my feelings and who I am rather than hiding my bad bits because I'd convinced myself people wouldn't love me as much for them. On the contrary, sharing my bad bits has brought me closer to the most important people in my life and opening up is something I will continue to do in 2020.

Bring it on.

Em xx

There's No Time Like The Present

Recently I've been having a very particular feeling which I really haven't been able to put my finger on for a rather long time - but the feeling of almost being dissatisfied and unhappy with the point I'm in in my life right now and longing for the future and wishing the next ten years away. And I really hope you're ready for a brain-dump-that-makes-no-sense-disguised-as-a-think-piece as that's what you're getting.

It's a feeling that's really been consuming me and I think dissatisfaction is a huge symptom of turning twenty - I've suddenly entered the next decade of my life, I'm no longer a teenager and I'm paying bills separately this year which feels like the most "adult" thing I've done to date. And I'll be honest - I just can't be bothered. I can't be bothered with the next ten years of my life. I don't want to be a poor graduate, I want to be a successful comedy screenwriter now. I don't want to struggle to save for a house, I want to be living my IKEA flatpack and plants and ceramic double butler sink dream now. I don't want to shout every time I see a dog in a park or a baby at work, I want my own dogs and babies now. You see my point?

Musings On Moving Out

Firstly...I just want to say I LOVE MY FRICKIN BEDROOM SO MUCH. I have never loved anything more than my room at golden hour.

That aside. I thought I'd write a little post just about moving out and moving on as today marks the last week in my second year student house - in a week's time we will be out of here, homeless for a night and ready to move in tomorrow. I wanted to originally write like an advice post for people looking for student houses but then realised that most of that advice is useless at this time of year - I'll save that post up for September/October. But I did have some cute photos of my home and I wanted to use them in a post so Rhiannon suggested doing what I do best, just writing and letting my thoughts about moving out just happen. Believe me, there are a lot.

Keilidh MUA Masterclass Tour & A Chat About Social Anxiety

Hello hello! I thought I would bring it back to old blogging days (check out this post if you wanna see all my ramblings about the 'good ol' days' to quote Leave voters...it wouldn't be an Emilia Rachael blogpost without a Brexit reference surely?) and throw you a good ol' post about an experience I recently had with some lovely photos taken on my phone and just have a lil natter.

So as the title of this blog post (and the massive f*ck off picture above...) suggests, I went to the Keilidh Mua Masterclass Tour! I bought my ticket back in December when I was at home on a complete whim as I thought they'd sell out super quick (I was right) and honestly, the time flew by! So on Sunday I donned some amazingly colourful makeup and wandered on down to the Renaissance Hotel in Manchester to watch Keilidh do some makeup and a guest demo. For those of you who don't know, Keilidh is an Instagram makeup artist and YouTuber who I discovered after she won a Lunar Beauty contest and filmed a video with MannyMua, and honestly since then she's been one of my biggest inspirations - her looks are right up my street and she's 100% made me braver with colour, more confident in my skills and just generally improved my makeup ability. So obviously when I found out she was doing the tour I had to go and I pretty much screamed when I got my ticket confirmation through!

Anyway. The masterclass was quite a standard format - there was one guest demo with just an eyeshadow look, a short break and then Keilidh's demo followed by a meet and greet. I was surprised at how small the Manchester event was - it was super intimate and honestly I loved that, it made it feel like we were just her friends really! All in all the day was wonderful and I'm so glad I went - the meet and greet was amazing, I waited right until the end so no one was watching me see her (I'm gonna chat about this in a second) and I managed to have quite a good chat with her, she complimented my makeup (!!) and she was just such a lovely girl, so down-to-earth and so easy to talk to - she's such a pure and wholesome person and honestly I'd love to spend more time with her because I think we'd be such good friends! I also managed to meet Abby Roberts (abbyrobertsartistry on Instagram) and she remembered me which I was honestly so shook over, again such a sweet girl and seemed so happy to chat to people and take photos and things, she was adorable! (still cannot get over the fact she's only 17 though like whaaat)

(Becca and Erin who I went with!! You can find Becca's Twitter and Instagram here and Erin's Twitter here)

However, I did wanna take this opportunity to have a quick chat with you all about social anxiety. I've been diagnosed with GAD years ago but recently my anxiety has got very very social again - for all it's amazing-ness (??) the event got me more worked up than I have been for a long time. If there's anything that terrifies me and gets my anxiety going it's young teenage girls - I can't get out of my head the idea that they're all standing around judging me, looking at me, and I come out of these events feeling completely scrutinised and completely insecure in myself and my skills. I did also go to this alone - I met two girls who I chatted to a bit on Twitter first and we went together (by the way they were both so so lovely and it was amazing to finally put faces to names) but they both had VIP tickets so I spent quite a lot of the event on my own and oh, my God my heart was racing like you wouldn't believe. I just wanted to pop this in here just to say that it's okay to feel like this and it's okay to be nervous of ridiculous things (because who in their right mind is scared of teenagers). I just don't want to let it get to the point where it stops me doing things alone but I'm hoping the more I do the more it will ease and the more I'll be able to do. That's the hope anyway - if anyone has any excellent tips for social anxiety they'd be much appreciated!

That being said, I had such a good time and I'm so so glad I didn't let anxiety completely get the better of me and I actually went as it was an invaluable experience that I'll never forget and hopefully will get the chance to repeat in the future. 

Em xx

On Losing My Place In The Online World

Hello, pals. I promise one day my blog posts will get a) much more frequent and b) much more interesting but for now I've got a think piece once again having a moan about the online community, the way it's changed and how the hell I'm going to deal with it. (Spoiler: I have no idea how I'm dealing with it this time)

I'm not even sure really where to start, but recently I've just been feeling pretty crap, to be frank, about the blogging community and my place in it and my place in this online world. For those of you who don't know, I actually started this blog in 2013 as Hangin' With Mil, and I've been in this thing a long ol' time and yet often I find myself feeling like I only started yesterday. I've struggled with a love-hate relationship with my blog pretty much ever since it started, and the things that generally fuel that is lack of motivation, lack of ideas and lack of time, but I think it's lack of motivation and ideas that tends to get me down the most.

My Vaginismus Story | Eight Months Later

Hey everyone! So remember that time when I wrote a massive long blogpost about how my vagina doesn't work properly? Well, if you don't, read it here first before embarking on this one or you're gonna be slightly confused!

So to recap...I left you at starting therapy. Well, I did, and I thought I'd tell you today about that therapy and how it's going. The main therapy program that I've been on is a dilator course which is a much more physical way of tackling the problem. As you'll remember I spoke about how vaginismus isn't always caused by trauma, it can also be caused by a strict upbringing and being taught that sex is wrong, hormone changes or just being born with it. Because the psychosexual therapist doesn't focus too much on the cause of it, rather the 'rehab', it's much more physically based. (I was referred to a trauma specialist and I had a few sessions before deciding it's something I don't really need to bring up again - it's hard but those sessions did help me process the fact it happened and accepting what happened and realising it wasn't my fault)

Essentially, a dilator set is like a set of plastic cones that range in size from 1 to 5, the idea that 1 is the size of say, a pinkie finger and 5 is the size of a diiiiiick. (I don't know how to do this seriously). The idea behind it is that it's retraining your muscles to respond positively to the stimulation of penetration rather than negatively, which is what causes the tightening and the pain that characterises vaginismus. So you start off on the first size, and gently insert that (obviously using lube because ow) as far as you can, and then just working up to being able to move it in and out comfortably with no pain. Once you can do that, you move to the next size up and so on and so on. The idea is to introduce your muscles to the idea of penetration gradually, rather than rushing into it.

It's weird. Trust me, you think it's going to be over really quickly but it's just not. I was surprised with my progress at first - size 1 I had no issues with whatsoever, no pain, completely comfortable and I was wildly surrpised and relieved at this revelation (I phoned my best friend Rachel almost immediately afterwards, I think I even still had the dilator inserted!), but my doctor had warned me that this can happen and a lot of women go straight into trying to have sex again which can actually undo all that progress, so I was a bit more patient and moved onto the second size, and the third. I'm currently stuck on the third size but hey - I'm doing better than I was a few months back. I started doing the therapy in about October time and it's taken me 3 or so months to get onto the third size, which definitely gives me hope that it won't be too much longer.

I think the important thing to remember, and a very important lesson I've learned in the past three months, is that patience and perseverance are key. It's so easy to think about giving up the first time you try and it doesn't work, but you have to keep going with this sort of thing. I've been waiting a long time for someone to help me with this and now that the help is there and readily available I'm trying my best to see it through. Of course it's difficult - I know I said about not rushing into anything but my boyfriend and I did try, and while it didn't work completely, I got closer than I ever have done before, which is what I tried to think about rather than the fact we didn't succeed. It's a case of being slow and steady, as that's what's going to work in the long term for a condition like this.

I'm extremely lucky to have such a good support system round me, with my doctor, my friends, my boyfriend, but I know it's not as easy for all women. As I said in my first post, all I've wanted to do is try and raise awareness of these issues and try and help women to see that these conditions are real, they're not alone in suffering with them and that it's okay to ask for help. Go to a GP and wear them down, make them see that it's serious - you do not need to be embarrassed because your vagina is just another part of your body and if it's not working properly then it needs some attention. Go to a sexual health clinic and ask to be referred to a psychosexual specialist who can set you on the right course of treatment for your condition. And remember, please reach out to me if you think you suffer with one of these and want to talk about it with someone who will listen, understand and won't tell you you're being silly because you most definitely aren't. You deserve to be listened to and taken seriously, and I will do that with anyone who reaches out to me.

Let me know if there's any other questions you have about vaginismus and sexy times and I'll try my best to answer them!

Em xx

2018 | Thank You, Next

I'm going to be completely honest, 2018 has been a massive bitch for me. Don't get me wrong, it's taken a serious turn for the better September onwards, but the previous eight months?? Honestly, I'd just like to forget they happened.

I think this year has brought about the most personal growth for me. It's gonna sound really really cheesy and cliche but I'm one step closer to finding myself. I'm the sort of person who's never really had an identity as such, I've never been that girl who does this or anything like that but I think this year has led to finding that identity a bit more. Life has strengthened me by throwing me a somewhat toxic relationship and subsequent heartbreak, making me realise that love is not something you can force and a relationship is not something to waste time searching for and trying to make it happen. I've learned how to speak back to people and not let them walk all over me, something that was seriously holding me back. Not that I've turned into a massive bitch or anything (I hope) but I've just learned not to take any shite from anyone. Life's too short for that.

I don't think I'll be setting any concrete New Year resolutions or goals as such this year. Instead, I'm giving myself a motto rather than a resolution and that's simply just to try harder and I'm going to try and apply that to every aspect of my life - my friendships, my blog, my relationship, social media, YouTube, organisation, mental and physical wellbeing - literally everything. I'm the sort of person who doesn't do well with actual goal setting, I tend to pile too much onto myself and then feel bad if I can't do it all. That being said though, I have a few things I want to try and do this year that aren't exactly goals, but things I'm going to challenge myself to just to keep me going, for example I want to educate myself more. 

There are so many fields I'm interested in outside my own, like economics, feminism, politics, psychology etc etc so I think some nonfiction reading is definitely on the cards and with that, I want to write more life-y content on my blog. I was talking to my girl Fran the other day and we've both decided we want to talk more about these things, our opinions, our politics, feminism, change up that content to be a bit more real. Of course, I love my fashion and beauty posts and they won't be going anywhere, but I also want to talk about Brexit and women and intersectionality and all the good social awareness/world affairs stuff because it's all things I love and I'm interested in. 

Also on the blog front, it sort of ties into trying harder but I'm hoping that with the trying harder I'll be able to reach 2000 Instagram followers and 1000 YouTube subscribers. I'm also hoping to go self-hosted this year so hopefully will be able to score myself a few more collaborations. As you can see I've already (kind of) got into the shooting thing again with Ellie, but can we NOT talk about the fact that my face is pretty much reflective in some of these photos??? I know I'm pale, but why am I so shiny?!?!

So there you have it - goodbye 2018, one of the less great years, and hello 2019, who has a very low standard to meet. It's not going to be hard to make this a better one - so bring it the f*ck on.

What are you going to try and achieve this year?

Em xx

Changing Up My Instagram Editing For Autumn

Hello hello hello and welcome to another post!! I thought it would be kinda cool to talk about how I'm editing my photos on Instagram these days and what sort of things I do to get a nice lil autumnal feed going on (yes, I'm aware my feed is mostly a bit of a mess but still!!!). Just wanted to say before I jump into this that I literally don't have a clue what I'm doing, I honestly just fiddled around with some colour settings until I found a preset that worked with me. (I'm hoping the guy I'm dating doesn't read this cos he knows a lot about editing and Photoshop and stuff and I'm honestly clueless) (if anything in this post is wrong or you think I could be doing something differently please tell me because I seriously don't know)

Does Taking A Break Make Me A Bad Blogger? | Life Update

You know, I've really been struggling with blogging lately. I've been struggling with things in my personal life too - relationships, moving home, my attitudes to my body and health, just a lot of things seemed to have been going south recently and as a result my blog plummeted south as well. So I took a break. And some would say that it makes me a bad blogger because at the end of the day, I've got an audience and I've got a duty (?) to keep up posting and I made myself feel like a bad blogger and like I owed something to my followers and while some would argue I do, I'd argue I don't actually 'owe' anyone anything.

I think it's important to stress that I do this as a hobby, I don't want to have the pressure on myself to constantly be posting new and exciting content, I remember the days when I literally used to just bash out a someday summary, chuck in my last selfie taken on a Samsung Galaxy Fame and publish it just like that. And honestly, I wish blogging was still as simple as that. There was no pressure to find the perfect flower wall photo location or pose perfectly or have a gorgeous flatlay or write something deep and meaningful - this platform used to be my online diary of sorts and I kind of want to take it back to that - to it's roots, you could say. So that's pretty much what this post is - just a someday summary life update kinda post because, even though it's perhaps not the sort of post people want to be reading, it's what I want to write and surely my platform means my rules?

So what have I been up to in my break, I hear you ask?! Well, honestly not much. Like I said, my big move from halls to house was done and it went very smoothly (apart from someone getting attacked right outside my house the first night, and then my housemate's key getting stolen in the post - I aged thirty years that night out of pure stress and worry but luckily there's no way of tracking the key to the house so we gooood) and honestly, I'm so ready for next year because our house is so lovely and I just wanna live there already!! If anyone wants a post on my house and the move from halls to house let me know!

Like I said, I've been getting back to my roots a bit and with that has come getting back into my makeup and my arty farty looks  which is so much fun!! I've got a post coming out in a few days about why makeup means so much to me but trust me, this got me emotional seeing how good my most recent look turned out - you'd be right in thinking I nearly cried at the amount of love I got on it but then couldn't cry because wet glitter just is not the one.

I also turned 19!! I feel like I wait ages for my birthdays to roll around for some reason haha because all my friends are older than me! This year was a little different as both my mum and dad were at work, my older sister is up in Manchester and my little sister is on NCS so I faced the prospect of a birthday alone at home - until my grandma heard and her exact words were 'well, we can't have that!! Think about what you'd like to do and you and me will go out!' so we spent a lovely day in Waterperry Gardens in Oxford (call me boring but I love public gardens) and we also had afternoon tea which was SO GOOD. This is also where all the pretty flower photos breaking up this post came from!!

I think that's about all to update on at the moment to be honest! My July vlog will be coming out in a couple of weeks if you're interested in seeing what I got up to on video - I'm also umming and aahing over whether to start doing makeup tutorials again? I'd really like to but at the same time I never feel like they're very good or helpful, YouTube is hard enough to grow on as it is so I might stick to Instagram for the time being! Let me know if you feel differently though.

What have you been up to recently?

Em xx

Accepting My Scars In Summer Season

TW // this post contains references to self-harming. There are support links mentioned at the bottom of this post if you're struggling - please please use them :))

This is a topic I've wanted to address for a while, even though it's quite a sensitive subject and quite personal, but as someone who first started self harming four and a half years ago and therefore has quite a lot of experience in dealing with the scars and the stigma that comes with it, there's almost an obligation that I really don't mind having to share those experiences and how I came to accepting my scars for what they are.

Self-harm scars have always been seen differently to other scars. People like to stare, even if, like me, you don't have that many visible ones. But as soon as they've looked they turn away quickly, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. They're a tough thing to look at, especially since people who have never been in that situation can't possibly understand why someone would do that to themselves, and I think that's why people stare - almost out of some sort of gruesome fascination with the concept of hurting yourself. We with visible scars are labelled as crazy or psychotic because who on earth other than a psycho would hurt themselves that much?! The stigma around self-harm scars are one of the bigger issues we as mental health sufferers and survivors struggle with because people just don't understand it. We also get seen as exhibitionists - showing our scars off because we want people to stare and comment and we want to draw attention to us - we often can't win. If we cover them we're not accepting ourselves and if we show them we're attention seeking.

But why does that mean we should be ashamed of them? For the longest, longest time I would subject myself to wearing sweatshirts and long sleeves in the height of summer because I didn't want anyone at school to see the ninety cuts up my left arm and gaze at me with that pitiful look that they have when they've just slapped you with the label 'crazy'. Or at least that's what I thought everyone did.

When I started therapy in June 2014, over the course of the year I was with CAMHS, I gradually began to realise that actually, people didn't always stare because they thought I was a psycho and they didn't always have pity in their eyes. Sometimes, they had admiration. You see, these aren't scars because we're crazy. They signify the battles we've had with ourselves, battles that we've won every single time. They label us as fighters. And fighters don't cover their battle scars. We wear them proudly, showing everyone just how strong we are - we're survivors of the enemies in our heads and that's no less valid than being a survivor of a physical illness.

The thing is, there are people out there who will always be ashamed of our scars.

But me? I am not, not anymore.

Em xx

Support:

Mind

NHS

Samaritans

YouTubers Are Killing Their Own Platform & Careers

There have been many YouTuber scandals going on recently, Logan Paul kicking off the New Year by glamorising suicide, Oli White (and others) continuously exploiting their teenage fans with rubbish and overpriced merch, and most recently, Alfie Deyes waving his privilege right in front of our noses as he attempts to only spend £1 on food and drink in a day.

Let's address this video of yours first, Alfie, shall we, before we get into the real meanings of this blog post? You may have uploaded the video as a 'harmless joke' and 'unintended to cause offence' but here's the thing, Alf - just because you didn't mean to offend anyone doesn't mean it's not offensive. The video was made in poor taste and to wave off living on £1 in a day as a 'joke' makes light of poverty and homelessness and the fact that some people in our country do actually face that struggle every day and they definitely don't live in a £1.7 million mansion in Brighton. Saying it's going to be 'difficult' because you live in a rich area? Going to town and buying the most pointless items just because you can? Do you need another way to point out just how wealthy you are for basically having what's a pretty easy career compared to some of the jobs people do? Basically, Alfie, no, you don't. I'm not in any way saying that the video was intended to be distasteful, I just think Alfie is extremely naive and immature for thinking a video like that was appropriate. Although not as bad as what Logan Paul did, it's the same sort of thing - no one points out to these people that what they're doing could be construed as offensive and wrong.

Why We Need To Drop The Phrase 'Basic Bitch'

So here's the craic.

I recently saw a makeup artist I follow on Instagram post on her story today 'you know you can do other things with makeup other than a cut crease' closely followed by 'watch me do a basic bitch cut crease tomorrow' and it got me thinking about the phrase 'basic bitch' and what it means and why we should just cut the phrase and stop using it. 

When someone says the phrase 'basic bitch' or 'basic', what are the first things that spring to mind? Usually Starbucks, avocado, Instagram, high street brands, glitter and Pinterest. Ring any bells? Thought so, because most women have some of these things in common.

The term 'basic' was used at first to describe women who liked all these things, and then gradually the word 'bitch' was added onto it by those who felt that these women were somehow inferior for liking bottomless avocado brunch. If the phrase wasn't already unnecessarily derogatory, it certainly is now. Being labelled a 'basic bitch' somehow holds connotations that you're therefore less interesting or less worthy because of the things you like. It's a phrase that suggests you have no further depth of cultural knowledge and therefore aren't worth getting to know beyond your appearance and your tastes. Men slap a 'basic bitch' label on you and won't bother getting to know you for who you are because they 'hate basic bitches' and don't stop to think for on second that a group of 'basic bitches' are still a group of individual women who all have their own personalities and identities that set them apart from each other - and this is only done because they all like pumpkin spice lattes. 

What I'm interested to know is where we got this idea from that people who like mainstream things are somehow less special or less interesting? I have a Spotify playlist filled with typically 'indie' music (Stone Roses, Oasis, Courteeners, The Smiths, etc) and still have to excuse the fact I have two Ed Sheeran songs on it. I get told that I'm 'basic' because I like Ed Sheeran's music. But, I hate to say it, the subcultures of 'basic' go deeper than just a 'basic bitch'. I also get slapped with the label 'basic' by the indie subculture because I like 'mainstream indie' and therefore I'm not 'properly indie'. I'm a 'listens to the Smiths once' girl. Yeah, I know, the quote marks are getting ridiculous now.

There must have been a point where we decided that we can roll our eyes at some people because they were a certain style of clothing or listen to a certain type of music, or for just doing things the same as a large majority of other people. And moreover, when did we decide that these people just living their lives in the way they want to affect ours in any way? 

But it also has a deeper, more twisted side to it. 'Basic bitch' is a term exclusively used for females. There is no male equivalent, unless you count 'bro' or 'lad'. But more often than not, 'lads' are still seen to be deeper than their interests. We say 'oh, he wears tanks and goes to Crossfit but there's so much more to him' and a 'basic bitch' doesn't get the privilege of someone bothering to find out what's underneath the G&T in a mason jar. Moreover, the word 'lad' has never been a derogatory term for a male, by any stretch of the imagination - so why do we think it's okay to walk around proclaiming people as 'basic bitches'? Of course, there are the people who accept the label and wear it proudly and by all means, reclaiming the term is something we definitely need to start doing as we have done with the word 'slut' - but at this point, men and other women need to cut using it as a derogatory phrase filled with snobbery and hatred for the mainstream. 

I think society is so eager to put us all into categories and subcultures, and the mistake we're making is letting it. We're forced to try and fit in with some label based on what we wear or what music we listen to, and okay, to some extent, people will naturally gravitate towards others like them, that's just a  thing that happens. But next time you're going to call someone a 'basic bitch' just think about the fact that that term reduces that person to their appearance and their interests, and someone who's not worth getting to know because they like mainstream things. We're all individuals, with individual tastes, styles, thoughts, dreams and creativity - so let's stop jumping for separatist terms the minute a girl with perfectly shaped eyebrows posts a picture on Instagram of a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte.

What are your thoughts on the phrase 'basic bitch'?

Em xx