My Vaginismus Story | Eight Months Later

Hey everyone! So remember that time when I wrote a massive long blogpost about how my vagina doesn't work properly? Well, if you don't, read it here first before embarking on this one or you're gonna be slightly confused!

So to recap...I left you at starting therapy. Well, I did, and I thought I'd tell you today about that therapy and how it's going. The main therapy program that I've been on is a dilator course which is a much more physical way of tackling the problem. As you'll remember I spoke about how vaginismus isn't always caused by trauma, it can also be caused by a strict upbringing and being taught that sex is wrong, hormone changes or just being born with it. Because the psychosexual therapist doesn't focus too much on the cause of it, rather the 'rehab', it's much more physically based. (I was referred to a trauma specialist and I had a few sessions before deciding it's something I don't really need to bring up again - it's hard but those sessions did help me process the fact it happened and accepting what happened and realising it wasn't my fault)

Essentially, a dilator set is like a set of plastic cones that range in size from 1 to 5, the idea that 1 is the size of say, a pinkie finger and 5 is the size of a diiiiiick. (I don't know how to do this seriously). The idea behind it is that it's retraining your muscles to respond positively to the stimulation of penetration rather than negatively, which is what causes the tightening and the pain that characterises vaginismus. So you start off on the first size, and gently insert that (obviously using lube because ow) as far as you can, and then just working up to being able to move it in and out comfortably with no pain. Once you can do that, you move to the next size up and so on and so on. The idea is to introduce your muscles to the idea of penetration gradually, rather than rushing into it.

It's weird. Trust me, you think it's going to be over really quickly but it's just not. I was surprised with my progress at first - size 1 I had no issues with whatsoever, no pain, completely comfortable and I was wildly surrpised and relieved at this revelation (I phoned my best friend Rachel almost immediately afterwards, I think I even still had the dilator inserted!), but my doctor had warned me that this can happen and a lot of women go straight into trying to have sex again which can actually undo all that progress, so I was a bit more patient and moved onto the second size, and the third. I'm currently stuck on the third size but hey - I'm doing better than I was a few months back. I started doing the therapy in about October time and it's taken me 3 or so months to get onto the third size, which definitely gives me hope that it won't be too much longer.

I think the important thing to remember, and a very important lesson I've learned in the past three months, is that patience and perseverance are key. It's so easy to think about giving up the first time you try and it doesn't work, but you have to keep going with this sort of thing. I've been waiting a long time for someone to help me with this and now that the help is there and readily available I'm trying my best to see it through. Of course it's difficult - I know I said about not rushing into anything but my boyfriend and I did try, and while it didn't work completely, I got closer than I ever have done before, which is what I tried to think about rather than the fact we didn't succeed. It's a case of being slow and steady, as that's what's going to work in the long term for a condition like this.

I'm extremely lucky to have such a good support system round me, with my doctor, my friends, my boyfriend, but I know it's not as easy for all women. As I said in my first post, all I've wanted to do is try and raise awareness of these issues and try and help women to see that these conditions are real, they're not alone in suffering with them and that it's okay to ask for help. Go to a GP and wear them down, make them see that it's serious - you do not need to be embarrassed because your vagina is just another part of your body and if it's not working properly then it needs some attention. Go to a sexual health clinic and ask to be referred to a psychosexual specialist who can set you on the right course of treatment for your condition. And remember, please reach out to me if you think you suffer with one of these and want to talk about it with someone who will listen, understand and won't tell you you're being silly because you most definitely aren't. You deserve to be listened to and taken seriously, and I will do that with anyone who reaches out to me.

Let me know if there's any other questions you have about vaginismus and sexy times and I'll try my best to answer them!

Em xx