Hello hello! I thought I would bring it back to old blogging days (check out this post if you wanna see all my ramblings about the 'good ol' days' to quote Leave voters...it wouldn't be an Emilia Rachael blogpost without a Brexit reference surely?) and throw you a good ol' post about an experience I recently had with some lovely photos taken on my phone and just have a lil natter.

So as the title of this blog post (and the massive f*ck off picture above...) suggests, I went to the Keilidh Mua Masterclass Tour! I bought my ticket back in December when I was at home on a complete whim as I thought they'd sell out super quick (I was right) and honestly, the time flew by! So on Sunday I donned some amazingly colourful makeup and wandered on down to the Renaissance Hotel in Manchester to watch Keilidh do some makeup and a guest demo. For those of you who don't know, Keilidh is an Instagram makeup artist and YouTuber who I discovered after she won a Lunar Beauty contest and filmed a video with MannyMua, and honestly since then she's been one of my biggest inspirations - her looks are right up my street and she's 100% made me braver with colour, more confident in my skills and just generally improved my makeup ability. So obviously when I found out she was doing the tour I had to go and I pretty much screamed when I got my ticket confirmation through!

Anyway. The masterclass was quite a standard format - there was one guest demo with just an eyeshadow look, a short break and then Keilidh's demo followed by a meet and greet. I was surprised at how small the Manchester event was - it was super intimate and honestly I loved that, it made it feel like we were just her friends really! All in all the day was wonderful and I'm so glad I went - the meet and greet was amazing, I waited right until the end so no one was watching me see her (I'm gonna chat about this in a second) and I managed to have quite a good chat with her, she complimented my makeup (!!) and she was just such a lovely girl, so down-to-earth and so easy to talk to - she's such a pure and wholesome person and honestly I'd love to spend more time with her because I think we'd be such good friends! I also managed to meet Abby Roberts (abbyrobertsartistry on Instagram) and she remembered me which I was honestly so shook over, again such a sweet girl and seemed so happy to chat to people and take photos and things, she was adorable! (still cannot get over the fact she's only 17 though like whaaat)

(Becca and Erin who I went with!! You can find Becca's Twitter and Instagram here and Erin's Twitter here)

However, I did wanna take this opportunity to have a quick chat with you all about social anxiety. I've been diagnosed with GAD years ago but recently my anxiety has got very very social again - for all it's amazing-ness (??) the event got me more worked up than I have been for a long time. If there's anything that terrifies me and gets my anxiety going it's young teenage girls - I can't get out of my head the idea that they're all standing around judging me, looking at me, and I come out of these events feeling completely scrutinised and completely insecure in myself and my skills. I did also go to this alone - I met two girls who I chatted to a bit on Twitter first and we went together (by the way they were both so so lovely and it was amazing to finally put faces to names) but they both had VIP tickets so I spent quite a lot of the event on my own and oh, my God my heart was racing like you wouldn't believe. I just wanted to pop this in here just to say that it's okay to feel like this and it's okay to be nervous of ridiculous things (because who in their right mind is scared of teenagers). I just don't want to let it get to the point where it stops me doing things alone but I'm hoping the more I do the more it will ease and the more I'll be able to do. That's the hope anyway - if anyone has any excellent tips for social anxiety they'd be much appreciated!

That being said, I had such a good time and I'm so so glad I didn't let anxiety completely get the better of me and I actually went as it was an invaluable experience that I'll never forget and hopefully will get the chance to repeat in the future. 

Em xx

My Vaginismus Story | Eight Months Later

Hey everyone! So remember that time when I wrote a massive long blogpost about how my vagina doesn't work properly? Well, if you don't, read it here first before embarking on this one or you're gonna be slightly confused!

So to recap...I left you at starting therapy. Well, I did, and I thought I'd tell you today about that therapy and how it's going. The main therapy program that I've been on is a dilator course which is a much more physical way of tackling the problem. As you'll remember I spoke about how vaginismus isn't always caused by trauma, it can also be caused by a strict upbringing and being taught that sex is wrong, hormone changes or just being born with it. Because the psychosexual therapist doesn't focus too much on the cause of it, rather the 'rehab', it's much more physically based. (I was referred to a trauma specialist and I had a few sessions before deciding it's something I don't really need to bring up again - it's hard but those sessions did help me process the fact it happened and accepting what happened and realising it wasn't my fault)

Essentially, a dilator set is like a set of plastic cones that range in size from 1 to 5, the idea that 1 is the size of say, a pinkie finger and 5 is the size of a diiiiiick. (I don't know how to do this seriously). The idea behind it is that it's retraining your muscles to respond positively to the stimulation of penetration rather than negatively, which is what causes the tightening and the pain that characterises vaginismus. So you start off on the first size, and gently insert that (obviously using lube because ow) as far as you can, and then just working up to being able to move it in and out comfortably with no pain. Once you can do that, you move to the next size up and so on and so on. The idea is to introduce your muscles to the idea of penetration gradually, rather than rushing into it.

It's weird. Trust me, you think it's going to be over really quickly but it's just not. I was surprised with my progress at first - size 1 I had no issues with whatsoever, no pain, completely comfortable and I was wildly surrpised and relieved at this revelation (I phoned my best friend Rachel almost immediately afterwards, I think I even still had the dilator inserted!), but my doctor had warned me that this can happen and a lot of women go straight into trying to have sex again which can actually undo all that progress, so I was a bit more patient and moved onto the second size, and the third. I'm currently stuck on the third size but hey - I'm doing better than I was a few months back. I started doing the therapy in about October time and it's taken me 3 or so months to get onto the third size, which definitely gives me hope that it won't be too much longer.

I think the important thing to remember, and a very important lesson I've learned in the past three months, is that patience and perseverance are key. It's so easy to think about giving up the first time you try and it doesn't work, but you have to keep going with this sort of thing. I've been waiting a long time for someone to help me with this and now that the help is there and readily available I'm trying my best to see it through. Of course it's difficult - I know I said about not rushing into anything but my boyfriend and I did try, and while it didn't work completely, I got closer than I ever have done before, which is what I tried to think about rather than the fact we didn't succeed. It's a case of being slow and steady, as that's what's going to work in the long term for a condition like this.

I'm extremely lucky to have such a good support system round me, with my doctor, my friends, my boyfriend, but I know it's not as easy for all women. As I said in my first post, all I've wanted to do is try and raise awareness of these issues and try and help women to see that these conditions are real, they're not alone in suffering with them and that it's okay to ask for help. Go to a GP and wear them down, make them see that it's serious - you do not need to be embarrassed because your vagina is just another part of your body and if it's not working properly then it needs some attention. Go to a sexual health clinic and ask to be referred to a psychosexual specialist who can set you on the right course of treatment for your condition. And remember, please reach out to me if you think you suffer with one of these and want to talk about it with someone who will listen, understand and won't tell you you're being silly because you most definitely aren't. You deserve to be listened to and taken seriously, and I will do that with anyone who reaches out to me.

Let me know if there's any other questions you have about vaginismus and sexy times and I'll try my best to answer them!

Em xx

Changing Up My Instagram Editing For Autumn

Hello hello hello and welcome to another post!! I thought it would be kinda cool to talk about how I'm editing my photos on Instagram these days and what sort of things I do to get a nice lil autumnal feed going on (yes, I'm aware my feed is mostly a bit of a mess but still!!!). Just wanted to say before I jump into this that I literally don't have a clue what I'm doing, I honestly just fiddled around with some colour settings until I found a preset that worked with me. (I'm hoping the guy I'm dating doesn't read this cos he knows a lot about editing and Photoshop and stuff and I'm honestly clueless) (if anything in this post is wrong or you think I could be doing something differently please tell me because I seriously don't know)

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Feeds

Hello!! Today I thought I'd do something kinda simple but also something to just spread some love in the blogging community - things have been a bit wild lately so a sprinkle of positivity is definitely what we all need!! So, in no particular order, here's a list of Instagram feeds I've been loving recently. Obviously I can't include every single feed I love because this post would never end, but these are just a few!!

@blogaboutalatte

Tara's feed is honestly just gorgeous - the warm brown tones in her photos give such a cosy vibe and appearance to her feed, it's so welcoming and lovely to look at!! She seriously deserves every follower she has, and her IGTV Harry Potter unboxing video was goals af, that's all I'm saying.

@snowllifestyle

I love Laura so much, all I'm saying is how does this girl not have more followers?! I love her feed aesthetic so much, the sort of film-esque look all her photos have gives it such a vintage, grungy style which I just love so much. She also posts such beautiful pictures of flowers and buildings that are so interesting to look at and so nice to have popping up on the TL every now and then. And if that isn't reason enough, Laura is just genuinely such a sweet and supportive girl and I'm so glad I met her through blogging.

@sophie.seddon

Sophie is just all my 90s grunge fashion goals - she has the most amazing taste and I can only hope to one day be confident to wear some of the amazing clothes she shows on her feed. It all looks so good together and I love scrolling through for fashion inspiration and just generally wondering how one person can be so gorgeous and look so good in everything she wears!

@voguemodeblog

My gal Yasmin - an all round gorgeous girl, so supportive and just a good egg, again a girl I'm so glad to have met online. But her Instagram feed is equally as perfect - the bright colours and her fashion sense just gives me life, she's seriously been upping her game recently and deserves every follower she has and I hope she only continues growing because she puts so much effort into this feed and it definitely pays off.

@hellomissjordan

I couldn't do this post without mentioning the queen of fashion Instagram, Jordan. Her photos are just so amazing, so creative and every single one just looks more and more amazing - these shoots must be so fun to do!! Her story vlogs are also so interesting and I love seeing the behind the scenes, she's so incredibly real. And above all, she's so supportive even of smaller bloggers like myself.

@fromrosesxo

Rebecca's is a blog I've been following right from the start and I've loved it right from the start too - she was actually one of the bloggers that made me want to start blogging! Her Instagram feed is absolutely incredible too - I love how she mixes deep rich green/brown tones with bright, airy, pastel pictures too, it creates such an interesting but cohesive juxtaposition and it just looks amazing!!

What are your favourite Instagram feeds at the moment?

Em xx

Does Taking A Break Make Me A Bad Blogger? | Life Update

You know, I've really been struggling with blogging lately. I've been struggling with things in my personal life too - relationships, moving home, my attitudes to my body and health, just a lot of things seemed to have been going south recently and as a result my blog plummeted south as well. So I took a break. And some would say that it makes me a bad blogger because at the end of the day, I've got an audience and I've got a duty (?) to keep up posting and I made myself feel like a bad blogger and like I owed something to my followers and while some would argue I do, I'd argue I don't actually 'owe' anyone anything.

I think it's important to stress that I do this as a hobby, I don't want to have the pressure on myself to constantly be posting new and exciting content, I remember the days when I literally used to just bash out a someday summary, chuck in my last selfie taken on a Samsung Galaxy Fame and publish it just like that. And honestly, I wish blogging was still as simple as that. There was no pressure to find the perfect flower wall photo location or pose perfectly or have a gorgeous flatlay or write something deep and meaningful - this platform used to be my online diary of sorts and I kind of want to take it back to that - to it's roots, you could say. So that's pretty much what this post is - just a someday summary life update kinda post because, even though it's perhaps not the sort of post people want to be reading, it's what I want to write and surely my platform means my rules?

So what have I been up to in my break, I hear you ask?! Well, honestly not much. Like I said, my big move from halls to house was done and it went very smoothly (apart from someone getting attacked right outside my house the first night, and then my housemate's key getting stolen in the post - I aged thirty years that night out of pure stress and worry but luckily there's no way of tracking the key to the house so we gooood) and honestly, I'm so ready for next year because our house is so lovely and I just wanna live there already!! If anyone wants a post on my house and the move from halls to house let me know!

Like I said, I've been getting back to my roots a bit and with that has come getting back into my makeup and my arty farty looks  which is so much fun!! I've got a post coming out in a few days about why makeup means so much to me but trust me, this got me emotional seeing how good my most recent look turned out - you'd be right in thinking I nearly cried at the amount of love I got on it but then couldn't cry because wet glitter just is not the one.

I also turned 19!! I feel like I wait ages for my birthdays to roll around for some reason haha because all my friends are older than me! This year was a little different as both my mum and dad were at work, my older sister is up in Manchester and my little sister is on NCS so I faced the prospect of a birthday alone at home - until my grandma heard and her exact words were 'well, we can't have that!! Think about what you'd like to do and you and me will go out!' so we spent a lovely day in Waterperry Gardens in Oxford (call me boring but I love public gardens) and we also had afternoon tea which was SO GOOD. This is also where all the pretty flower photos breaking up this post came from!!

I think that's about all to update on at the moment to be honest! My July vlog will be coming out in a couple of weeks if you're interested in seeing what I got up to on video - I'm also umming and aahing over whether to start doing makeup tutorials again? I'd really like to but at the same time I never feel like they're very good or helpful, YouTube is hard enough to grow on as it is so I might stick to Instagram for the time being! Let me know if you feel differently though.

What have you been up to recently?

Em xx

My VPS Story | The Conditions That Are Very Real And Very Unknown

Wow. This post has taken me a while to get up the courage to write and hit publish on, but it's here, I'm doing it, and following a diagnosis and my first therapy session I think I can finally start talking about this. It might be a little TMI for some people so I don't know, if you don't like reading about sex and whatever then don't carry on reading and seriously if you're a family member I don't think you'll want to so stop right here!! It's also a pretty long one so grab a cup of tea and perhaps a snacklet and buckle up.

Life In January & February Goals

I'm writing this post realising I never actually did a general 2018 goals post so there's that - I'm an excellent blogger, can you tell?!

Ellie took these oh-so-posey pictures of me today so I thought why not go for it and do my life in January post and just have a chat about life in general - going back to uni, getting back into the swing of student life and just all of that good stuff. But before we do can I just say (as every other blogger probably has) that I really can't believe January is over? It feels like it's gone on forever yet at the same time it feels like we were "cheers-ing" at the New Year just yesterday!

Five Good Things From The Week #1

01 // I had a couple of lovely catch ups with my older sister this week. It's so nice to have a family member living close by and while we don't see each other constantly and have separate lives it's very nice to meet up for brunch (PSA for my Manny friends - Home Sweet Home is one of the best brunch spots in the entire county) or go to hers for dinner sometimes, her housemates are all lovely and it's nice to go somewhere that's a little more homely and less lonely than halls are.

02 // I booked train tickets to go and see my best friend Vicky in Leicester for next weekend!! Lovely gal she is offered to pay the difference for me to get the train instead of the coach so I'm swanning down there next Friday evening to see her. I only saw her a couple of weeks ago but I can't wait to see her again.

03 // I cooked a really good chicken schnitzel the other night. I may have an unhealthy relationship with food sometimes and my parents may say I can't look after myself, but after eating that and a mountain of broccoli, carrots and sweetcorn, I felt very very good about my adult-ing skills.

04 // I haven't been quite brave enough to whip out Unicorn Blood (pictured above) yet, but I have been venturing into the darker lipstick territory!! Androgyny also by JS and Mars and Bachelorette by  Coloured Raine have been firm favourites recently. This is what happens when your favourite nude (FYI - JS Celebrity Skin) runs out and you can't bring yourself to spend £16 on a new one so you gotta stick it out until Christmas.

05 // I redesigned the blog!! Yes, once again the blog has had a revamp and get this - this time I have drop down menus!! I'm so excited about the endless possibilities drop down menus bring. 

What are five good things from your week?

Em xx

a fun autumn makeup look!

Hello everybody and welcome to my first blogpost in a while!!

Today I'm sharing these fun photos with you because this is a tutorial I filmed a while ago but have only just got round to editing and uploading (was uploaded today at 11am)

I mean, I do enjoy a LOT how well the eyeshadow matches the wall of my uni room, I think that's pretty cool and completely unintentional haha. Also s/o to Lily who gave out some handy photo editing tips in a recent post about how to get that lovely warm tone to photos, hopefully I'll have a few more to try it out on soon, as you can probably tell these got very red but I'm kind of enjoying it anyway?? I'm still trying to get my head around the ins and outs of colour theory but I'm liking having a new thing to focus on. Gives me a nice distraction from the bore that is Great Expectations, that's for sure.

Story Time: My First Romance In Manchester

Manchester is not exactly a city of love and let's be honest, nightclubs are not exactly places to go to find love. Like Ed Sheeran sings "the club isn't the best place to find a lover" etc etc. So this isn't a story about love so don't get your hopes up. I say "romance" in the loosest term possible.

There's a nightclub in Manchester called Factory. Sweaty and hot, there are three floors of charts, indie and the proper bass line house music that only idiots spend four hours in the middle of the night listening to. As sophisticated and slightly drunk (I say slightly also in the loosest term possible) adult students, we spent three hours on the indie floor, as can be expected. Also as the know-it-alls we are, we decided hanging out near the door to the floor would be the best idea ever. I also say this heavily loaded with sarcasm. We did this in another nightclub too, and another a few nights later. Still we hadn't learned our lesson. All I can say is, never ever decide to dance enthusiastically to Town Called Malice near the door of a nightclub. Drunk teenagers young adults are aggressive when you're in their way.

Something you should definitely know about me before I continue is that in general, I fall in love with people on a daily basis. We're talking maybe five to eight people, boys and girls, at any random points throughout the day. They could be walking down the street or sitting opposite me on the bus and I'll just fall in love with something about them - their hair, their eyes, their outfit, their entire aesthetic...you get the idea. I don't mean it in a creepy way, I just have extremely intense feelings towards someone for the thirty seconds they're opposite me, and then as soon as they've gone, it's over and the feelings melt away with the person, most likely never to be seen again. So you can imagine how I get when I've had a few glasses of wine. Not only do I fall in love with many people in a nightclub, I make it extremely obvious in a way that my sober self definitely does not. I also fall in love with ten times as many people, because, and if anyone's ever heard the phrase "beer goggles" you'll know exactly what I mean, people often seem prettier than they are in the dark and when you've had a bit to drink.

So you can imagine the scene. This guy with his group of friends come up to my group of friends and they start dancing with us. 

"He's cute," I think to myself. "In a sort of 2000s emo way." No part of this felt wrong to me.

He starts putting his hands on my waist and I go along with it even though this close I'm beginning to realise he smells a bit, mostly of body odour and beer which I'm sure every other guy in there smelled of too, but it was slightly overpowering in a very unattractive way.

"What university are you at?!" he shouts in my ear. It sounds aggressive but if you've ever tried to have a conversation with someone in a nightclub you'll know that it's damn near impossible. Hence why the club isn't the best place to find a lover.

"Manchester Metropolitan!" I shout back to him. He smiles and nods, asserting the fact that he is at the same university as me. He asks me what I study, I answer English because English and Creative Writing is way too long and complicated for someone to understand through nightclub shouts. I don't remember what he said he studied.

We dance a bit longer, I'm getting happy because one of my favourite songs, Come On Eileen, had just started playing. The guy is smiling at me and laughing and still has his hands on my waist. I think back to it now and they were extremely sweaty.

Then he leans in again and says, "I'm not going to force anything but if you want to - you know."

Everyone knows what you know means. So I did. I accepted his offer of you know and leaned up to press my lips against his. I don't really remember it much except that it was kind of wet and there were a lot of teeth. And that's how my first snog in Manchester went. A simple offer of you know. 

He leans down after another song (at least, I thought it was only a song - apparently me and my "friend" were going at it for three. That's a long time). 

"Do you want to come back to mine tonight?"

The ever fateful question. The offer of you know and more. I didn't make a decision there and then. 

"My dad's coming really early tomorrow morning, I don't think so!" I shout back. It's not a lie - my dad is due at mine at 9:30 the next morning.

He shrugs and smiles. "I'll come to yours then!" He seems keen, I thought to myself.

Me being me, the first thing that popped into my head was contraception. I haven't quite got around to getting any condoms yet because honestly I'm too awkward to, and I'm not on the Pill because the side effects scare me too much. And I am super paranoid about STDs anyway so the only contraception I'll be using is condoms, thank you very much.

"That's okay!" He began shouting back. Immediately I started saying no way Hozay, I am not doing it and relying on your pull out game. "I've got some with me!" he continued. 

Alarm bells started ringing even more vigorously. What guy carries condoms on a night out with him who ISN'T expecting to take a girl back with them?! So obviously, there was nothing about me, I was just the first girl to take an interest in him and he only really wanted one thing out of it all.

"It'd also be my first time!" I decided to pull out the virginity card. I made up my mind as soon as he said he had condoms with him. Anything to get away from him now. Again not a lie. Then, I noticed a girl we'd been hanging out with that night needed someone to go outside for a cigarette with her, so obviously, I needed an excuse (my desperation was at a point where I was about to text my flatmate to come up with a great excuse for me to leave) so outside I went with her, telling the guy I'd be back. I wouldn't. Not to him anyway. 

But what do you know, friends, he followed us outside. Under the pretence of having a cigarette too, obviously. And let me tell you - I didn't realise quite how unattractive I found him until I saw him under a street light and slightly more sober than I had been. 

But by that point it was too late - my lipstick was already on his mouth, my friends were questioning my choices and Come On Eileen now had an entirely new memory attached to it. And now my sober mind was going through everything wrong. His hands were sweaty on my bare skin, his stupid stubble was way too rough on my lips and his breath smelled of awfully cheap stale nightclub beer. I noticed his earring, one of those weird stretcher things, and I wanted to ask had it hurt to have it done but somehow it did not seem like the right moment.

The day after I went on the anti-Brexit march with my dad and sister and we didn't mention the guy. I didn't mention him at all. However, I spent the Sunday night at a friend's house and the guy was brought up.

"What were you thinking?" he laughed to me. "That emo fringe and - "

"The stretcher!!" I laughed back, not even being able to believe myself. "At least it wasn't for very long, I guess."

"Not very long?" he raised an eyebrow at me. "You were full on going for it for about three songs, every time we looked over you were still at it."

I buried my face in my hands, absolutely mortified.

He hasn't been mentioned since.

Thank. God.

*

So friends, there is my first romance in Manchester. You can understand why I say it's romance in the loosest term possible. 

Have you ever made any terrible mistakes while you've been out and tipsy?! Let me know in the comments below!

Emilia xx

Hiking To Stay Fit

Greetings from very sunny, very warm Virginia, USA!! Me and my family are out here for a couple of weeks travelling with my older sister who has been doing Camp American up in New York for the entire summer, so thought I'd take the opportunity to talk about fitness. Lol.

I know, I know. At this point you're probably thinking something along the lines of "but, Emilia, you've never mentioned fitness before and you're about to go all gym wanker on us?" Well, no. I'm turning into a bit of a gym wanker it has to be said but I'm not suddenly going to start talking about pumping irons and counting macros and all that hardcore stuff. What I mean is, I just want to talk about some different ways of getting in some cardio and raising your heart rate which is always good for your body. I do want to talk about fitness a little bit more but I thought this would be a good one for a first post.

The other day, we did a fantastic hike (or walk, as my mother keeps telling me to call it - "hike is so American") to a beautiful waterfall in Pembroke, VA, called Cascade Falls. The hike was 4 miles there and back, and quite physically stimulating, with bridges and scrambles and lots of uphills and steps. In other words, it gets you a good sweat on just walking it. It'd also be a really good fell running trail, as there's a lot of interest involved in it so the time would almost fly by. My stamina still needs some work before I'd be able to run something like that but I would love to run that particular trail, shame it's in America is all!!

I don't feel like this photo really captures it properly, it was one I snapped in a hurry because the camera battery was about to die given that I'd been filming snippets of the hike for my YouTube and hadn't charged the battery first. Lesson learned there.

At the end there was this beautiful pool which people were full on going swimming in - we did not, but did go for a bit of a paddle and let me tell you, it was freezing. See that shirtless guy in the right hand side of the above photo? Yeah, he was properly diving into that pool. And trying to convince his girlfriend (sat on the rock) to as well, but she steadfastly refused. I reckon I would have done if I'd had a wetsuit - us English gals are waaay used to freezing water temperatures, am I right?!

Anyway, back to the point. Though this hike is in America, there are really great walks all over England that are physically challenging but also just really good ways of spending more time with friends and family in a cheap way. Take the Lake District for example - a huge range of walks and peaks for any level, and youth hostels all over the place which hardly cost anything. A couple of years ago me, my Dad and my older sister did a wild camp up near Scafell Pike - it was the most challenging walk I'd done at that point in my life but I enjoyed it so much. Climbing peaks like that can also give you an immense feeling of accomplishment. Last year we did a trip up Snowdon - Snowdon is slightly different in that there are two well known trails up called the Pyg Track and Crib Goch. Pyg is a lot easier, your standard run-of-the-mill walk, whereas Crib Goch you should tackle if you've had some sort of mountaineering experience before as it does involve quite a lot of challenging scrambling and short climbs, plus a scramble along a rock ridge towards the end of the climb. We also did it when it was really foggy and the visibility was not good so I can say I was pretty scared at some points on that particular hike - but we made it out alive and I can say I've got a good experience under my belt.

The point is that walking is easy, accessible and a really sociable way of getting your sweat on and just getting that little bit of cardio in. If you live in the countryside there are so many different walks around the fields (Buckinghamshire has the Cross Bucks Way for example, me and the fam have completed the first 6 mile leg of the 26 mile total, really good and fills up a day too!). Cardio is essential if you're trying to get fitter - you can't just go to the gym and pump irons all day, although muscle strength is important cardio is also equally as essential. It increases your self-worth and sense of accomplishment, builds up your stamina and just raises your heart rate and gets you some fresh air which is always good for the brain.

So there's no excuse really!! Get a local map of the area, or even easier just Google some good walks near you, or even make it into a holiday and take a trip up to the Peak or Lake District and do some exploring around there.

Good luck and I'll be back soon with another fitness post, involving some water this time ;)

Emilia xx

Life In July & August Goals

Hello frens!!

So I feel like there is an elephant on the web (lol) that I haven't addressed yet and that's my new blog layout. I went through the posts I did since I redid it and it turns out no, I never did!! So there we go - I have a new blog design!! Used my favourite new colour peach and got some nice new menu headers and social media icons and a nice new thingy at the top, very nice indeed. I love it. So that's that elephant. Let's move onto July.

If I'm honest, July has been mad but I don't know when I'm next going to get a quiet month! This month I had a whole list of events going on, a lovely Vamps concert with my close friend Jamima, Year 13 Leaver's Ball, 18th birthday party, actual 18th birthday, my best friend's 18th birthday and party, another best friend's 18th birthday, playing in my last ever concert at the music centre I've been at for seven years...

Put all of that together with working 4 days a week for 7 or 8 hours and just general filming and writing and editing and getting involved in all sorts of projects and so on, I feel like I just haven't had a chance to relax to myself for a day!

I also made the big decision to bring forward my uni entry to this year instead of 2018, which is mainly because I feel like I'm going to be so bored in my tiny village for a whole year, kind of just want to get out and move into a city and go elsewhere you know?? Like I said, it's a huge decision and it took us a few weeks to reach it but I'm so so excited to go, hopefully I'll get the grades I need!

I also started working out properly in July, doing a bit of strength and cardio every day, after realising that actually, I need to do something! So far it's going so well, I haven't joined a gym because I'm going to uni in a bit so will probably join one up in Manchester instead so at the moment I'm squatting and lunging and sitting up and using one of my sister's handheld resistance bands and it's working well, especially for a beginner. Not quite at fitness YouTuber level yet but maybe in the future I'll get there 😂

So far my August goals are looking a little like this...

Results

Passing my A Levels and getting into the uni of my choice would be nice. That's pretty much all I have to say on the subject. Results day (17th August) is looming and all I'm trying to do is forget about it and not stress myself out over it!

YouTube & Blogging

YouTube is going pretty well! We're going away for a bit at the end of August so my goals are to get a few more videos filmed to schedule through our holiday so I'm all set for when I get back. I'm on 166 subscribers now so growth is going okay, if anyone fancies giving me a bit of extra support it would be lovely ♥. My blog is something else I need to get on top of - I've put both YouTube and blogging on my habit tracker so I'm trying to do something related to each every day, whether that be editing or taking pictures or making a thumbnail or brainstorming more ideas - at least I'm contributing to it.

Health

Obviously the working out will continue through August, and I'm also aiming to eat a bit more but also a bit more healthily, I eat terribly! However, I don't want to start obsessively counting macros and calories because I feel like my headspace will get a bit confused if I start getting obsessed over my food. I like the idea of intuitive eating that Grace Fit UK does (she's like my holy grail, her insta workouts are inSANE), as in eating when your body tells you to and eating what your body tells you to. Seems like a good way of eating enough but not too much but also healthily enough. I also need to start drinking more water and taking vitamin and iron supplements more because err...my deficiencies are starting to get annoying. That's what happens when you don't eat fruit for eighteen years and probably won't for the rest of your life.

Read more

As in, classics. I feel like starting an English degree and not having read things like Moby Dick and Dickens and Tess of the D'Urbevilles...is not going to help me. 

Basically guys, I'm just going to try my best to get my shit together during August. A nice long trip away at the end should make it all easier!!

Hopefully you all enjoyed this post, let me know what your August goals are like in the comments!

Emilia xx

18 Things In 18 Years

In case you didn't realise, I turned eighteen a week or so ago!! Yep, the big one-eight. I'm an adult. I can buy alcohol. I can do all the things I've been illegally doing...but legally!! Also, I drink wine now. Get me.

Anyway, in order to celebrate (??) 18 years of life, I compiled a list of things I've learned! While I'm not exactly a wise old owl, I feel like I've picked up a few bits of wisdom from my time on planet Earth, so here goes...

♥

1. As Ben Howard says - "keep your head up, keep your heart strong and keep your mind set in your ways". Be unashamedly yourself, all of the time, and people just have to deal with it if they don't like that.

2. You aren't alone. However alone you may feel, I promise you you're not. Mental illnesses house millions of people and not one of them want to be there.

3. Surround yourself with positivity. Get rid of all the toxic and negative people in your life because they aren't going to help you grow. They're just going to hold you back.

4. Never let your mental illness define you.

5. Don't waste time on people who don't care about you the same way you care about them.

6. You're only going to achieve your dreams if you work hard - things don't just happen.

7. But at the same time, remember to give your body and mind rest. Don't burn yourself out.

8. Don't feel guilty about having time to yourself and away from other people.

9. Your school years may not the best years of your life. The best years might still be to come.

10. You look fine without makeup on.

11. Don't feel selfish if you do things for yourself. Stop putting other people's happiness ahead of your own. You deserve to be happy too.

12. Stop giving second chances to people who have done nothing to deserve them.

13. You're going to get your heart broken, but it's okay if it takes you a long time to fix it. It's also okay if you never do.

14. Take photographs of everything. You'll regret it in ten years if you don't. 

15. When RuPaul says "if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anyone else" he's right. Live for yourself and learn to be happy on your own. 

16. Always know where you stand romantically with people. Life is too short to get emotionally invested with someone who doesn't want the same as yo.

17. Taking as many selfies as possible every time you feel cute is absolutely fine. 

18. Take everything in your stride. Say yes to every opportunity and always live your life the way you want to. Don't let anyone else tell you any different.

Emilia xx

♥

What's In My Bag...Literally

Hey everyone!

While this may seem like a serious post, it's really not! I've always wanted to do a serious "what's in my bag" "here's what I carry around with me" "here are my essentials" and so on and so forth kind of post, I've never done it because if I'm honest, the contents of my bag change. They change every. single. bloody. day.

I think that's what you get being a Year 13 student with literally six weeks of school left though, so here you go - a little peek into the chaos that is my school bag. As is said in cult film Clueless, it is a "full-on Monet". (For those of you not cultured enough - I kid by the way - that's something that "is like a painting. From far away, it's okay, but up close, it's a big old mess". In other words, my life)

So obviously we start with the boring stuff - my textbooks. Love a bit of witchcraft and two sociology ones because Lord knows what my teachers plan for each lesson. I do also have another history textbook for US and UK and my English textbook but who carries textbooks they don't need?! I also threw my coursework folder into the mix here, which is stuffed to the brim of my history and English coursework notes. It's organised chaos, I promise. And a trusty pad of paper because I don't have a laptop and anyway, sort of prefer taking all my class notes by hand. I like to think it helps me remember them more...

And some more boring stuff. My huge pile of history coursework books. These can probably come out now and be shoved back on my shelf because finally my coursework is finished, two days before the deadline may I just add?! Love me a bit of light Hitler reading. Who doesn't? Possibly the most cheerful subject to sit down with a cup of tea at 9 o'clock. Plus my lovely pink "Red Flag Book" which is my school's latest idea to help us ace our A-Levels. This has been in the bottom of my bag for a long time and comes out once a week for the one teacher who actually cares about them. You don't want to know, trust me.

This is the last bunch of boring stuff, I promise! Pencil cases! My brown Jack Wills one was given to me yonks ago by my friend Izzy and it's still going strong and I love it very much. In there is about sixty Bic biros, five highlighters and that's about it. Then my slightly messy one with my coloured pens and gel pens in...which promptly exploded. Hence why the clear plastic now is not so clear, but rather a fetching iridescent purple.

Oh man, finally some more personal stuff! So in this set of stuff we have my essentials that are just always in my bag, even if I take it out on a weekend without the school bits. Firstly, the notebook at the back with some sort of pretentious arty trash stuff in is my art journal/diary/planner which I try and write in every day but also fail horribly a lot of the time :P I'm considering doing a post soon detailing some of my favourite pages I've done in it, so look out for that. I also have my Kindle Fire which I read on/watch Netflix on/play games on...it's basically a glorified iPad and it comes everywhere with me. 

My purse is a no-brainer, as are my glasses. When you're blind in one eye it's always helpful to have some extra help for the other one! Then I'll have whatever book I'm reading at the moment, if it's not on my Kindle, which at the moment is the Perks of Being A Wallflower, which, if you're an OG fan, you'll know is my favourite book.  Portable charger, phone, headphones, again no brainers. I also would shove my camera in this, even though I don't take it to school I do often take it out with me at the weekends.

And then we have the nitty gritty, weird things that everyone needs in their bag but doesn't really know why. For me, this includes five lipsticks, a lip balm, drugs, a bag of brace bands, six bajillion old bus tickets, used tissues (gross), a packet of unused tissues. some Olbas oil (from when I had a cold about a four weeks ago), some old lunch receipts (that I must keep so my mum can reimburse me hehehe) and some spare change. Oh, and some sanitary towels and gold eyeliner (don't ask because I don't know).

 Wow. You can tell I never clean this bag out can't you?!

So there we go! That's the chaotic contents of my school bag. The actual bag is one I've had for ages, it's from Accessorize and I got it about three years ago and it's still going strong. Very proud of it. 

I hope you enjoyed this fun little post about the contents of my bag, and I sincerely hope that yours isn't as much of a mess as mine is!! But in all honesty, I've got about 34 days of school left, there's no point clearing it out now...;)

Emilia xx