Look, when I said festive content, I didn't mean it was going to be gift guides and bullet journal spread ideas. Oh no, what do you take me for? (Also, TW // rape, sexual assault, date rape)

I'm sure by now everyone who's anyone will have heard the meltdowns over Christmas music, and how non-PC it is, and how we just need to cancel any Christmas song written before 2010 because it's offensive, rude and just totally inappropriate. The first thing you definitely need to know about me is that I hate the phrase 'political correctness gone mad'. I really hate it, it gets thrown around way too much, but in some cases, political correctness really has gone mad. Of course, some things I completely agree with - changing the lyrics of "Do They Know It's Christmas?" in the 2014 version was entirely necessary to avoid an onslaught of Western imperialism, something the world does not need any more of - but I don't agree with censoring art that is a product of its time. Yes, Fairytale of New York includes a rather choice word for LGBT+ people - but it's a product of its time. It just means people shouldn't sing the word if they aren't part of that community in my opinion - it's a word that the LGBT+ community has started to reclaim as our own and we should be allowed to use it. If you're not one of us, you don't say it, it's as simple as.

One song however, that's sparked a whole new debate is "Baby It's Cold Outside". 2018 brought along the rise of the #MeToo movement and while the debate over this song has been going on for a good three or four years, it's only really this year that it's been absolutely everyone. It's listed as "everyone's favourite date rape anthem", a classic "Christmas rape song" and has even has a feminist remake by The Holderness Family entitled "Baby Just Go Outside". 

The thing is, I like to think I can see things from more than one view and yes, if we bring the song into 2018 and interpret the lyrics in the context of today's culture, where rape is constantly trivialised, where girls are being blamed for their own rapes and their own murders, where date rape is always, always the girl's fault, where we are still 'asking for it' and where men like Brock Turner are only getting 3 months prison sentence for raping an unconscious girl, then it could definitely be seen as an extremely rape-y song. And I think it's because of the modern versions of it after it was basically rediscovered in the mid-1990s and then with Elf in 2003 are the reason it's suddenly been overly sexualised and overly criminalised.

However, the song was not written or recorded for the first time in the mid-1990s or 2003 (and I could entirely see the rage if it was) - it was written in 1944 by Frank Loesser for him and his wife to perform as a duet at parties and it rose to prominence from about 1949 until around the 1960s because of Neptune's Daughter. So here's the thing - if we take the song and it's 'rapey' lyrics back to 1944...it perhaps isn't so rapey anymore. Suddenly, it becomes an anthem for sexually liberated women, it becomes the story of a woman who is doing battle with the society she lives in - a society that won't let her say yes to having sex or staying overnight at a man's house unmarried. If he went to hers and sneaked back home late at night, it would most likely go unnoticed, but here she's singing about at least three people who will notice her absence. She plies herself with alcohol and cigarettes, saying 'maybe just a half a drink more' at the same time as saying 'I ought to say no, no, no, no' so she can at least say she tried...and there is nothing in her drink. Her drink is simply the shield with which she can defend herself against the societal expectations of being a woman and a 'good girl', when actually, she kind of just wants to have a lot of sex with her partner, who is being an angel and giving her excuse upon excuse for her to tell her parents, intertwining it with compliments because he evidently just likes her a lot.

And the ending - she sings with him that it's cold outside. In just two minutes and forty four seconds she finally lets go of society's expectations and the family looming in the background and lets herself succumb to her own inner she-wolf - the male character in our story is not the predator, but she is. She is the predator and she is her own prey and she lets herself agree that it's far too cold for her to leave at this time of night. The song ends on a positive note and a positive message that's extremely empowering for the average mid-1940s woman.

But hey. I do of course agree that in 2018, in our day and age, it's definitely up to women to decide whether this song is okay or not and the lyrics can be interpreted any way you want. But in my opinion, the song actually has a lot to teach us about the way society viewed women's sexuality, rather than the fact a woman is being forced to stay and have sex with a man. If we're going to be angry, why aren't we angry about what the song is actually about - double standards regarding sexuality of men and women and they ways they were, and still are to an extent, able to express that? And also - roofies didn't even exist back then, and not in a 'rape was normal back then' way, but they just didn't exist. The song was never about that in the first place, and just because we live in 2018 doesn't mean we have to read everything with modern, rose tinted spectacles covering what a text is actually about.

I think we'll be fighting over this song for a long, long time, but I for one will keep listening because a) I enjoy the song musically b) it actually feels kind of empowering me and c) I just don't think it's that deep. But like I said before, I really do think it's up to your own interpretation, and I'd really love to hear any other opinions in the comments below!!

What are your thoughts on 'Baby, It's Cold Outside'?

Em xx

December Bullet Journal

This month's bullet journal...is a mixed bag. I'm not quite as keen on it as I was on November's but hey ho, I tried my best and thought it only fair to give you a sneak peek like I always do anyway!!

Again I used AmandaRachLee's December bullet journal video for inspiration, I really loved the hanging bauble idea she had for the title page so I did the same - I actually cut mine from white paper first though since I find Crayola Supertips bleed though Leuchtturm paper reeeeally easily and makes it so hard to do anything on the next page. I also used silver accents instead of gold but the effect still works well in my opinion.

I kept my calendar layout really simple this year, very different to last year's extremely busy and all over the place layout! December this year also spans six weeks rather than five like most months, so that also limited my space. I didn't put in my monthly goals section like normal since I just don't use it, but I used the space to do another little ornament doodle, write December in some fancy lettering and then did a big ol' "tis the season' at the bottom. My growth tracker is still there as I really want to upload more this month so tracking my progress is very helpful.

The next two spreads are very normal for me, my habit tracker which I STILL am terrible at filling in!! And then my video and blogpost ideas lists. The weird little squiggle on the habit tracker page is supposed to be fairy lights but they didn't turn out quite that way. It looks kinda cute if you don't look for too long I suppose!! I wanted to have a bit of winter in this month's spreads too so added some snowflake doodles and used more of a wintery colour. Also, here's a sneaky peek into some of the content I've got planned this month!

And then onto my very plain, very ordinary weekly spread. As I said in my last post, this layout doesn't really change and I really do love it like this - it just lets me see everything really well and it just works the best for me and my needs every week. The meal plan helps me eat properly and then if I have a weekly events list on the side I can just glance at that for what's on each day, and then that saves so much more space in the daily parts for to-do lists - as you can see, I'm a bit chocka at the moment with assignment prep and a chalkboard commission I'm doing so it really is working perfectly for me at the moment.

Aaaaand that's the end of my December bullet journal!! I know it's not as exciting as other months but it's perfect and simple enough for me, and as always here's the list of the products I used to create this spread:

- Faber Castell Ecco Pigment 0.3mm fineliner

- Crayola Supertips 

- Pentel Fude Touch sign pen

- Faber Castell silver PITT artist pen

- Leuchtturm 1917 dotted a5 journal

What do your December bullet journals look like?

Em xx

Life In October & Not Really November Goals

Greetings pals and happy November!! I kind of can't believe how quick October went, I seemed to blink and it was over!!

Uni got into serious full swing over October - if you've seen my November bullet journal post you'll have seen how long my to-do list is for reading week, and honestly aside from that I can't really think of what life in October was like? I can honestly say though that I finally feel like I've reached a level of contentment this month and that's possibly due to the fact that ya gal is officially no longer single as of the 16th October! Yes, me and my T-dog made things official and I'm just very happy and very comfortable - nothing has ever felt more right to me and yeah, that side of life is pretty sick right now (and yes, I did use the word 'sick' completely un-ironically). I'm just feeling a lot like myself again and it feels good. (And no bike accidents this month either!!). Rhiannon and I also went to the Jeffree Star x BeautyBay Can't Relate Tour which was such a cool event and some clips will be in my October vlog up soon on my YouTube!

Other than that, October didn't really bring that much, apart from new season Riverdale (I'm honestly really enjoying it - I know a lot of people aren't happy with the supernatural turn it's taken but I'm quite into it!) and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina which again, I'm loving - I didn't ever watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch and I'm really liking it! I also started reading more again, this month's book being Fault Line by Robert Goddard - I'm not so into crime novels but I've accidentally got myself writing a murder mystery for my script class so I figured I should probably try and get the gist of how to actually write a thriller! I also tried my hand at pumpkin carving for the first time ever (yeah, I'm not even kidding - I've never carved a pumpkin before!) with my housemate and best friend Rhiannon and her boyfriend and...needless to say my attempts at carving Waluigi into a pumpkin did not work. Rhiannon's Isabelle was insane though.

I'm not sure what November will bring - I'm not the best at setting monthly goals because honestly, I never keep to them, which is why you'll notice I've slightly edited the 'November goals' bit of the title. I think this month I'm just going to try harder. Try harder to keep on top of stuff, use the extra time I have for my blog and YouTube, and just try a little harder with the things I used to love. I'm terrible at keeping to personal goals so stripping it right down to basics might help? Like I said, I'm feeling more myself than I've felt in so long at the moment so I'm guessing it might make it a bit easier to write and create things. Possibly. We'll see. (that being said, thought I should say thank you for sticking by me through all my messiness - it truly means the world)

What did your October look like?

Em xx

November Bullet Journal Update

It has been a hot minute since I posted a bullet journal update on this blog, and to be honest it's been a hot minute since I posted at all - my plans to post more in October kinda went out the window, huh? Writing for me is funny because sometimes I'm really in a productive mood and other times I just have no ideas and nowhere to start and no pictures, but I'm slowly getting through that.

This month's bullet journal actually turned out surprisingly well - I used AmandaRachLee's video for inspiration on the designs and colours, and the fact I treated myself to three new Tombow dual brush pens seriously helped out. I gave myself basically an entire afternoon to work on it yesterday and I'm so happy with how it turned out.

I entirely messed up the photos for this and took them all vertically - I left my camera in Manchester (I'm at home for reading week) and had to take them on my phone - I love how they came out but didn't realise until now they'd look a bit weird in a blogpost as they're vertical!! Oh well, you can still get the point I guess 😂

My title page is honestly the cutest thing ever - like I said I followed this Amanda Rach Lee video and put my own style on it and I just love it. I sketched it all out in pencil first, did the outlines with my Faber Castell Ecco Pigment 0.3mm fineliner (which I seriously need to replace) and then filled them in with my new Tombows which are 026 Yellow Gold, 947 Burnt Sienna and 192 Asparagus. I think this combination of colours is possibly one of my favourites, it's so cosy and gives me a lot of vibes and now I'm just chatting shite about colours? Love a good ramble.

I kept my calendar layout the same as always, just 3x3cm boxes and then the header which I drew a cute little scarf for, All the calligraphy on this page is with my beloved Pentel Fude Touch pen which is actually finally running out of beans, it needs replacing and breaks my heart but it means I could also treat myself to a few new Tombows and a different colour too so am I really complaining?! Just so you know as well, I draw everything freehand after measuring out the box sizes with a ruler - I don't bother using a ruler for straight lines as I quite like the sort of homemade/hand-drawn look that freehand straight lines give and I feel like I've mastered the art of not needing a ruler at this point which is a pretty cool talent I must say. Again I put my November growth tracker at the bottom for my YouTube and also did some more leaf and acorn doodles around the calendar.

My habit tracker is much the same as always, exactly the same layout as I just find it works for me. I used the 026 Tombow for the calligraphy at the top and outlined it with the Pilot G2 gel pen and that's the same pen I use to write in my journal as well. Back at it again with the acorn and leaf doodles, and then for my video/blogpost ideas page I used the same little scarf doodle for the title and it's just split in half between the two. Giving you a little sneak peek into some stuff I've got planned for November too which I'm excited about!

I am going to do an expense tracker as well, but I messed up the title really badly so I'm going to redo the page when I'm back in Manchester and I'm planning to do a separate post on how I track my finances and keep within my budget at university.

And this is my first weekly spread!! My ("slight" perfectionist) dad got a bit annoyed because he thought I should've put this week in my October section or split it up into two but then that messes with my page order and everything so instead I just decided to put the whole week in November's section. This weekly spread layout is a very standard one for me now, after a lot of trial and error I've discovered this works the best and suits all my needs during term time as I've got enough space to write a decent to-do list in each section, and then all my weekly events such as uni, appointments, meetings etc go in my events section to save space. I also have a water tracker which I'm terrible at filling in, and a meal plan section which obviously has a big ol' N/A through it this week as I'm at home so don't have to think about it, thank god! But it's a key part of my bullet journal during uni because otherwise I just don't eat properly!

As you can see, my to-do lists are HUGE this week as it's reading week so I'm catching up on notes and lectures and making sure everything is up to date, as well as starting to think about my end of term assessments, so it's all a bit hectic!! But it's also nice to find time just to sit and create, and at the end of the day that's what's going to motivate you to look at it more right?!

As always, here's a list of all the products I used to create these spreads...

- Leuchtturm 1917 A5 dotted journal (I have it in yellow)
- Tombow dual brush pens in 026, 047 and 192
- Faber Castell Ecco Pigment 0.3mm fineliner
- Pentel Fude Touch sign pen
- Pilot G2 gel pen 0.5mm
- Faber Castell PITT Artist pen in 251 silver


What do your November bullet journals look like?

Em xx

Changing Up My Instagram Editing For Autumn

Hello hello hello and welcome to another post!! I thought it would be kinda cool to talk about how I'm editing my photos on Instagram these days and what sort of things I do to get a nice lil autumnal feed going on (yes, I'm aware my feed is mostly a bit of a mess but still!!!). Just wanted to say before I jump into this that I literally don't have a clue what I'm doing, I honestly just fiddled around with some colour settings until I found a preset that worked with me. (I'm hoping the guy I'm dating doesn't read this cos he knows a lot about editing and Photoshop and stuff and I'm honestly clueless) (if anything in this post is wrong or you think I could be doing something differently please tell me because I seriously don't know)

Life In September & October Goals

Whew. Once again, long time no speak. Or long time no read, perhaps? Anyway, just long time no whatever once again.

September. What. A. Month.

I mean it. It's been one of those months - an absolute rollercoaster. It started off with a beautiful few days in Paris with my best friend and housemate Rhiannon (you can read all about it here and here!) which was the best time ever. We headed back to Manchester straightaway to just settle into our new house and have a bit of time before getting stuck back into uni - I had my library training and then started the job during Freshers' which has gone really well, I've had so much fun and met so many interesting people doing it so it's been a really great experience. I've only had a week of proper lectures but it's going great so far, I'm on an American Spaces module that I wasn't too enthused about but after an entire session I'm feeling much better about it - my tutor is super enthusiastic and the units seem really fun. My film module looks the best so far, we're studying musicals next week which as you can guess it's a dream come true for me.

Paris In 48 Hours | Louvre, Musee d'Orsay & Eiffel Tower

READ ME FIRST!!!!

On Thursday, we got up a little later and had a bakery breakfast of a proper French croissant which was so delicious, and then we headed straight to the Louvre (free entry with passports again) and had a good wander around. Both of us (while not the best artists - Rhiannon is much better than me) can appreciate art quite well so we gave ourselves plenty of time to explore the Louvre, and since we got there about fifteen minutes after it opened it wasn't toooo busy and we hardly had to queue to enter. Also got to see the famed Mona Lisa which was pretty cool. Definitely got chills again!!

After the Louvre we headed across the bridge to Musee d'Orsay, again hit a bit of a slump due to some rather keen protestors in the Jardin du Tuileries who started harassing us a bit because they could obviously see we were tourists - it wasn't too dramatic and we walked away with all our belongings (I 'dropped' my purse and I wonder if in the scuffle someone had plucked it out of my bag but all my money was still in it and I still had my phone and passport so I genuinely do think it fell out accidentally and to give them their due, the women did give it back to me - was still slightly scary though so if anyone walks up to you in Paris asking if you speak English, learn "I don't understand" in a very obscure language and walk quickly away!!). But we made it to Musee d'Orsay in one piece and again had a hot chocolate and a snack, had a wander round the Gaugin and Van Gogh exhibitions, as well as the amazing Impressionist exhibition and left feeling much happier.

We then hopped on the metro again and zipped up to the Eiffel Tower to see it in the daylight and oh boy - this was definitely my favourite part, it's absolutely breathtaking in real life, the sheer scale of it is just amazing. We paid €8 to go up the lift to the 2nd floor and it was just amaaaazinnggggg I have no other words!! We did some photo taking and location scouting from the top and then went back down to take photos at said locations. And then, a little wander to the Rachmaninoff Conservatoire because Rhiannon loves Rachmaninoff and wanted to take a picture of it, before hopping back on the metro and going to Champs-Elysees to complete our Paris in 48 hours!! We went to Pomme de Pain for a late lunch (kinda like Subway but French...) before heading to (you guessed it) Sephora!! We were in there for what felt like hours and yes I did come away with one Fenty product (will perhaps feature in a post sometime soon!) and I LOVE IT. Then we wandered up to Arc de Triomphe, took our last photos and headed back to the metro to the hostel.

That evening was really nice actually - we actually spoke to the other girls in our hostel room! We weren't really there that much so didn't get much chance but (typically the last night) we all chatted and got to know each other a bit more and went out for Vietnamese food which was really nice! A few of us had some face masks too which we did that evening in the room which caused much hilarity - it was my first try using a sheet mask and I have to say I didn't enjoy it that much but my skin does feel slightly smoother from it I guess!! Then we all turned in and that was about the end of our trip!! Friday morning the flight was at 8:00 and after a mad dash through the airport (give yourself more time at CDG because they have passport control in Departures as well as Arrivals which means you have to stand in more queues for longer) I made it onto the flight - Rhiannon came back separately on the train - and got back to the house at about 10am and wow. It's been an exhausting few days I have to say but I've enjoyed it immensely and it was such a good introduction into the 'travelling alone/with friends' thaaang because I've never done that before but decided I quite like it!! We're already planning our next city break...

Have you ever been to Paris? If so, what were your best bits?!

Em xx

Paris In 48 Hours | Versailles, Picasso & Notre Dame

Hello and welcome back to another post!! It's been a while again and this time I'm not going to say this is the end of my slump and I'm back for good but we all know that's not necessarily true!!!

Anyway, as you'll know if you follow my Instagram (if you're not, you should) me and my housemate Rhiannon recently spent a bit of time in Paris and I thought I'd tell you about it because not only did we do it on a budget, but we also did it in about 48 hours, which was tough but we made sure we had a list of what we wanted to see before we went which made it easier!!

We flew in at 2:10 on Tuesday 4th and landed at about 16:35 Paris time - we had a bit of a fluster at the airport because we had no idea that a T+ ticket doesn't get you from Charles de Gaulle to the centre of Paris and instead had to spend €10 on a different type of ticket, so if you're flying into CDG and have to get public transport just be aware of that!! The queue to buy train tickets at the airport was also huuuuge so it took us about two hours to get out of the airport!! Another hour later we'd made it to the hostel - we were staying at St Christopher's Inn Canal, which was one of the cheaper ones we found through HostelWorld, at only £17 a night it was a really good bargain! Unfortunately we found out that you only get free breakfast if you book direct and not through HW but it wasn't too expensive for breakfast added on. Our first dinner in Paris was a cheeky Maccies since we just needed some food and our beds at this point, the stress of trains had really got to us!!

On Wednesday we got up suuuper early because we spotted a €20 shuttle that the hostel provided to Versailles which was really cool!! I'm interested in Versailles just because the period of history was so interesting and it also all ties into Les Mis which (as you know) is my absolute favourite musical, so the shuttle made it really easy to visit! We wouldn't have managed to fit it in/afford it if we'd taken public transport so it was really helpful for us. We got the bus at 8:30 in the morning and then arrived back at the hostel at about 1:45 so managed to explore Versailles in it's entirety (or what felt like it!) in that morning and to be fair, you do need that amount of time because it is just huge on a completely insane scale!

Wednesday afternoon we headed back out, eager to cram as much as we could in and went to Le Maison De Victor Hugo (the Victor Hugo house) which I dragged Rhiannon to because, you know, Les Miserables, and also Hunchback of Notre-Dame which I haven't read but know the story which is incredibly good. We then went to the Picasso Museum which was interesting, sure, but also we hit a rather large slump at this point during the day. The sun had seriously come out and we had to queue for agesss (just because they weren't letting people in, not for any other reason!) and then realised we didn't need to queue that much because we technically already had 'tickets' with our passports - if you're 18-25 and have an EU passport you get free entry to a lot of museums, so just so you know you don't have to go in the 'visitors without tickets' queue!!

(just a very gay bakery that we found that I loved)

But, we had a hot chocolate/coffee and felt much better after that and headed down to the Pompidou Centre. We didn't actually go in because it would have taken ages and we would've had to pay entry but it was still really cool to see the building, it's so incredibly ugly it's sort of beautiful in it's own way!! Next, we headed to Notre Dame to have a wee look at the cathedral and...just wow. Possibly up there with one of the best things we saw the entire day, it was just beautiful, and we were lucky enough to go in when a service was taking place, and trust me when I tell you you don't have to be religious to appreciate how awe-inspiring a service in a building like that is. Chills for sure.

For dinner on Wednesday we decided to splash out a little (since we only visited museums where we got free entry) and treated ourselves to a proper French steak at Le Relais de L'Entrecote. They specialise in one type of steak so it's a set menu, but for €26 you get a salad starter and two (!) portions of steak and chips and it was sooo good! I had mine cooked 'saignant' which is basically like having rare steak (sorry to any vegetarian readers!) and it was absolutely perfect! Afterwards, we hopped on the metro just up to the Eiffel Tower to see it all lit up in the dark, and then finally headed back to the hostel for some well earned rest. We clocked just under 30,000 steps on Wednesday, which was crazy but managed to see six different attractions in just one day which I'm incredibly impressed with!

For part 2 of my 48 Hours in Paris watch out over the next few days - I decided to split them up because it was literally going to be a year long blog post if I didn't!!

Em xx

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Feeds

Hello!! Today I thought I'd do something kinda simple but also something to just spread some love in the blogging community - things have been a bit wild lately so a sprinkle of positivity is definitely what we all need!! So, in no particular order, here's a list of Instagram feeds I've been loving recently. Obviously I can't include every single feed I love because this post would never end, but these are just a few!!

@blogaboutalatte

Tara's feed is honestly just gorgeous - the warm brown tones in her photos give such a cosy vibe and appearance to her feed, it's so welcoming and lovely to look at!! She seriously deserves every follower she has, and her IGTV Harry Potter unboxing video was goals af, that's all I'm saying.

@snowllifestyle

I love Laura so much, all I'm saying is how does this girl not have more followers?! I love her feed aesthetic so much, the sort of film-esque look all her photos have gives it such a vintage, grungy style which I just love so much. She also posts such beautiful pictures of flowers and buildings that are so interesting to look at and so nice to have popping up on the TL every now and then. And if that isn't reason enough, Laura is just genuinely such a sweet and supportive girl and I'm so glad I met her through blogging.

@sophie.seddon

Sophie is just all my 90s grunge fashion goals - she has the most amazing taste and I can only hope to one day be confident to wear some of the amazing clothes she shows on her feed. It all looks so good together and I love scrolling through for fashion inspiration and just generally wondering how one person can be so gorgeous and look so good in everything she wears!

@voguemodeblog

My gal Yasmin - an all round gorgeous girl, so supportive and just a good egg, again a girl I'm so glad to have met online. But her Instagram feed is equally as perfect - the bright colours and her fashion sense just gives me life, she's seriously been upping her game recently and deserves every follower she has and I hope she only continues growing because she puts so much effort into this feed and it definitely pays off.

@hellomissjordan

I couldn't do this post without mentioning the queen of fashion Instagram, Jordan. Her photos are just so amazing, so creative and every single one just looks more and more amazing - these shoots must be so fun to do!! Her story vlogs are also so interesting and I love seeing the behind the scenes, she's so incredibly real. And above all, she's so supportive even of smaller bloggers like myself.

@fromrosesxo

Rebecca's is a blog I've been following right from the start and I've loved it right from the start too - she was actually one of the bloggers that made me want to start blogging! Her Instagram feed is absolutely incredible too - I love how she mixes deep rich green/brown tones with bright, airy, pastel pictures too, it creates such an interesting but cohesive juxtaposition and it just looks amazing!!

What are your favourite Instagram feeds at the moment?

Em xx

So Why DO You Wear So Much Makeup?

I'm one of those people that's never really had a thing. I'm not especially, stand-out good at anything, I don't really have any talents as such and growing up I seriously felt that. I play the comparison game way too much as it is, and when I was younger it was even worse. I played the trumpet but there was someone better than me and I wasn't really that good. I was awful at sports, I couldn't understand music or sing, in art class I was consistently one of the worst and academically I was only ever mediocre and average in my classes. I wasn't particularly pretty or outgoing or confident either, I didn't have loads of friends and I wasn't part of the popular group who were friends with the boys from the school over the road. Nothing I did ever really stood out or got any attention - basically, I've been a bit average my whole life and I've always felt that. I think some of it is due to seven years at grammar schools which put a massive amount of academic pressure on you, and I'm also convinced part of it comes from being a middle child - middle child syndrome is real, don't fight me. 

Things changed a lot when I left my first secondary school and started somewhere fresh for sixth form. I'd started my blog at this point and I'd begun to feel I was quite good at writing and being a helping hand for people who needed it. But the other thing that I'd fallen in love with at that point was makeup. I started wearing makeup when I was around fourteen - at my first school we weren't allowed to wear it until Year 10 so I didn't really know much about makeup until then. But I loved watching YouTube videos and reading beauty blogs and that's where my appreciation for makeup started. I discovered facepainting and SFX when I was about sixteen and that's when I felt that makeup was really becoming my thing. I went from strength to strength when I learned how to do winged eyeliner in December 2015 (genuinely it changed my life) and this is I guess where I really fell in love with the art of makeup.

I started my Instagram account and people actually seemed to like my SFX stuff and my bodypainting, and even crappy close up pictures of my eye makeup of the day and I genuinely remember feeling so excited because I thought I'd finally found my thing. And turns out I had - I started getting more followers and my friends at school used to wait to see what makeup I'd wear that day, which glitter I'd use or if I did blue eyeliner. I remember one teacher telling me that my blue eyeliner was 'perhaps a little too bright for school' and I nearly gaped, astonished at her audacity. As I said earlier, I've never been a particularly outgoing person in terms of my demeanour or the clothes I wear and at that point makeup became the way I expressed myself - I wore glittery eyeshadow and blue eyeliner because I loved it, I loved the process of doing my makeup in the morning, half an hour of complete solidarity all to myself. I looked forward to doing it each morning and taking a picture and posting it on Instagram. I think the point where I really went makeup is MY thing was when I got voted 'best eyebrows' and 'best makeup' in my Year 13 yearbook polls last year!! The euphoria was real, kids.

University only developed my love - while I stopped bodypainting because I didn't want to be 'weird' I discovered that Manchester is much more open to crazy colourful eyeshadow and cool eyeliner than my little southern town is, and now that's my norm, it's actually rare to see me in neutral colours and no winged eyeliner now! And honestly, the online beauty community has just been wonderful - the inspiration and support I get online is madness and I feel like I'm in such a good place with my skills right now. I still have so much to learn but I'm getting better and learning more with each look I do and each look that gets more and more support just gives me even more confidence in myself and my skills and my 'thing' and the fact I have a thing - and it feels bloody brilliant.

Oh - and just to keep me humble and to remind everyone that practise is EVERYTHING (and having way too much time on my hands) here's a five year throwback.

Em xx

Does Taking A Break Make Me A Bad Blogger? | Life Update

You know, I've really been struggling with blogging lately. I've been struggling with things in my personal life too - relationships, moving home, my attitudes to my body and health, just a lot of things seemed to have been going south recently and as a result my blog plummeted south as well. So I took a break. And some would say that it makes me a bad blogger because at the end of the day, I've got an audience and I've got a duty (?) to keep up posting and I made myself feel like a bad blogger and like I owed something to my followers and while some would argue I do, I'd argue I don't actually 'owe' anyone anything.

I think it's important to stress that I do this as a hobby, I don't want to have the pressure on myself to constantly be posting new and exciting content, I remember the days when I literally used to just bash out a someday summary, chuck in my last selfie taken on a Samsung Galaxy Fame and publish it just like that. And honestly, I wish blogging was still as simple as that. There was no pressure to find the perfect flower wall photo location or pose perfectly or have a gorgeous flatlay or write something deep and meaningful - this platform used to be my online diary of sorts and I kind of want to take it back to that - to it's roots, you could say. So that's pretty much what this post is - just a someday summary life update kinda post because, even though it's perhaps not the sort of post people want to be reading, it's what I want to write and surely my platform means my rules?

So what have I been up to in my break, I hear you ask?! Well, honestly not much. Like I said, my big move from halls to house was done and it went very smoothly (apart from someone getting attacked right outside my house the first night, and then my housemate's key getting stolen in the post - I aged thirty years that night out of pure stress and worry but luckily there's no way of tracking the key to the house so we gooood) and honestly, I'm so ready for next year because our house is so lovely and I just wanna live there already!! If anyone wants a post on my house and the move from halls to house let me know!

Like I said, I've been getting back to my roots a bit and with that has come getting back into my makeup and my arty farty looks  which is so much fun!! I've got a post coming out in a few days about why makeup means so much to me but trust me, this got me emotional seeing how good my most recent look turned out - you'd be right in thinking I nearly cried at the amount of love I got on it but then couldn't cry because wet glitter just is not the one.

I also turned 19!! I feel like I wait ages for my birthdays to roll around for some reason haha because all my friends are older than me! This year was a little different as both my mum and dad were at work, my older sister is up in Manchester and my little sister is on NCS so I faced the prospect of a birthday alone at home - until my grandma heard and her exact words were 'well, we can't have that!! Think about what you'd like to do and you and me will go out!' so we spent a lovely day in Waterperry Gardens in Oxford (call me boring but I love public gardens) and we also had afternoon tea which was SO GOOD. This is also where all the pretty flower photos breaking up this post came from!!

I think that's about all to update on at the moment to be honest! My July vlog will be coming out in a couple of weeks if you're interested in seeing what I got up to on video - I'm also umming and aahing over whether to start doing makeup tutorials again? I'd really like to but at the same time I never feel like they're very good or helpful, YouTube is hard enough to grow on as it is so I might stick to Instagram for the time being! Let me know if you feel differently though.

What have you been up to recently?

Em xx

Staple Summer Makeup Products

Hello from very sunny and very beautiful Mallorca!! I am in fact writing this while sat in my kitchen, still stuck in dingy England, however I'm trying to go on a bit of a social media detox this week so therefore I'm scheduling lots of content now #realblogger #organised !!

So today I thought I'd show you some of my staple summer makeup items - I haven't done a makeup post in so long so thought it was about time. If you want to see some of the looks I do with these products you can head on over to my Instagram - serving fresh looks constantly! I did want to call this post 'my travel makeup bag' because if you're anywhere near as addicted to makeup as me you'll know the struggles of only taking a portion of your makeup collection on holiday rather than the entire thing, so I've only got my staples here with me so thought I'd chat a little about them.

Sleek 'Life's A Peach' blush

You'd be right in thinking I use this as an eyeshadow more often than not! It's such a soft peachy orange colour and looks gorgeous blended into the crease as a transition shade before layering darker oranges and pinks on top. The texture is so soft and it actually looks lovely as a blusher too, but I did buy it purely for the eyeshadow qualities!! Because it's a blusher, it doesn't pack quite as much pigment as an eyeshadow would but that also means it's incredibly buildable.

NYX Strobe of Genius palette

I love love love these highlighters - a gorgeous glow is definitely a must have for the summer and this palette offers so much choice. The golden white one is perfect for an all over glow, I use the bronzey pinky one as a blush and the lilac one looks beautiful with pink-toned eyeshadows. Just love it really. I'm the type of person that literally puts highlighter everywhere and it stays so wonderfully on my collarbones and shoulders too (I did mean everywhere)

Jeffree Star 'Rose Matter' liquid lipstick

This is a shade I've recently fallen in love with, I've had it for ages but it's quite a bright pink so felt quite self-conscious in it, but recently whipped it out again and have been loving it!! It goes with so many different eye looks and is such a lovely shade of pink, not too bright but not too dark, just the perfect petal shade. It's already a well known fact that the JS liquid lipsticks are my favourite formulas, I could wax lyrical for so long about them!

NYX Vivid Bright eyeliners

I loooove my colours when it comes to summer and one of the best products for adding a pop of colour to a normal eye look are these eyeliners - they apply so easily, the colours are so pigmented and they honestly can transform anything. The pink looks so good with Rose Matter lipstick and the bright blue compliments orangey toned eyeshadows so much, they're honestly just the perfect thing to spice up your summer makeup bag. (not all pictured bc I didn't bring them all with me hahahaha can you imagine)

Sleek Ultra Mattes V1 palette

I've loved this palette for a reeeeally long time but only just managed to figure out how to wear birght colours and make them look good - I kind of can't go a day without using this palette now! The yellow and orange look so cool blended out together and with the purple all over the lid. I'm still not sure about the greens and blues but I'm getting there!

And that brings me to the end of a few products I definitely couldn't live without in the summer. Hope you enjoyed this quick little post and I'll see you again in a few days time (hopefully)

What are your staple summer products?

Em xx

Accepting My Scars In Summer Season

TW // this post contains references to self-harming. There are support links mentioned at the bottom of this post if you're struggling - please please use them :))

This is a topic I've wanted to address for a while, even though it's quite a sensitive subject and quite personal, but as someone who first started self harming four and a half years ago and therefore has quite a lot of experience in dealing with the scars and the stigma that comes with it, there's almost an obligation that I really don't mind having to share those experiences and how I came to accepting my scars for what they are.

Self-harm scars have always been seen differently to other scars. People like to stare, even if, like me, you don't have that many visible ones. But as soon as they've looked they turn away quickly, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. They're a tough thing to look at, especially since people who have never been in that situation can't possibly understand why someone would do that to themselves, and I think that's why people stare - almost out of some sort of gruesome fascination with the concept of hurting yourself. We with visible scars are labelled as crazy or psychotic because who on earth other than a psycho would hurt themselves that much?! The stigma around self-harm scars are one of the bigger issues we as mental health sufferers and survivors struggle with because people just don't understand it. We also get seen as exhibitionists - showing our scars off because we want people to stare and comment and we want to draw attention to us - we often can't win. If we cover them we're not accepting ourselves and if we show them we're attention seeking.

But why does that mean we should be ashamed of them? For the longest, longest time I would subject myself to wearing sweatshirts and long sleeves in the height of summer because I didn't want anyone at school to see the ninety cuts up my left arm and gaze at me with that pitiful look that they have when they've just slapped you with the label 'crazy'. Or at least that's what I thought everyone did.

When I started therapy in June 2014, over the course of the year I was with CAMHS, I gradually began to realise that actually, people didn't always stare because they thought I was a psycho and they didn't always have pity in their eyes. Sometimes, they had admiration. You see, these aren't scars because we're crazy. They signify the battles we've had with ourselves, battles that we've won every single time. They label us as fighters. And fighters don't cover their battle scars. We wear them proudly, showing everyone just how strong we are - we're survivors of the enemies in our heads and that's no less valid than being a survivor of a physical illness.

The thing is, there are people out there who will always be ashamed of our scars.

But me? I am not, not anymore.

Em xx

Support:

Mind

NHS

Samaritans