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Life In January & February Goals

Thursday 31 January 2019


Oh hellooo friends!

Welcome back to my monthly round-up post! Haven't done one of these in a while (wow I posted some actual different content for once?) but I got some really nice photos yesterday and just needed a post to go along with them so here we are!



January....January January January. I always dread Januarys just because of the dreaded "January blues" but they haven't been too bad this year. I spent a lovely New Year with all my family and my boyfriend who came down to the south and had the biggest culture shock of his life! But it was an amazing few days and by far the best way to bring in the new year.

I headed back to uni and pretty much moved into the library after Christmas - if you haven't already, make sure you head over to my YouTube channel to catch my deadline season vlog! Essentially, I spent sixteen days in the library and there were a lot of tears - I leave everything to the last minute which means I'm always rushing everything I do which is terrible and I need to stop!! But my confidence was boosted with a 75% in one module - 3 more results to collect and then I'll see how much recovering I'll need to do at the end of the year! I also hit 300 subscribers on YouTube which means the world so head on over to join the ranks if you're not already subscribed.


January is quite a big month in my family - my grandma had her birthday and my mum turned 50, and my parents celebrated 25 years of marriage! We spent a really great weekend celebrating in the Lake District, which is a place really special to all of us as we spent a lot of very happy time there when I was younger and it was so good to return for a few days. I'm not so okay at being back in Manchester - I think I always miss my parents so much more when I'm not seeing them but I'm fully throwing myself back into life here - I've begun applying for internships this summer, booked myself onto the ULaw Open Day for the GDL (yeah...your gal's gonna be a lawyer) and have a lot to be getting on with.

surely you can see why I love the Lakes so much????

I've decided to try something new this year and I'm taking up climbing with my older sister. We went to the Ambleside Climbing Wall while we were up in the Lakes and I had so much fun - I've only been to a bouldering centre once before and I was a lot younger so didn't really get the point of it but after the weekend it's something I'm really interested in getting into. I need to start doing some sort of exercise because I tell you, I am getting unhealthy again. So once again, my February goal is to get my s*** together but more for my health - start eating better and doing exercise and cycling to uni rather than getting the bus all the time...


I also want to try and up my content again - I'd love to get back into doing beauty posts and talking about makeup I'm loving and not so loving etc, what do you guys think? Let me know what sort of content you'd like to see! I also want to start talking about fashion a bit more, which is what I'll do right now about the coat I'm wearing in these photos - it's the 'Trixy' coat down from £65 to £30 in the LilyLulu sale and I love it. It's honestly the snuggliest, warmest coat I've ever worn, well worth the money and it goes with so much! Kept me super warm over the snow days and kept me looking cute at the same time. The pockets are also huge so I can basically keep everything I need in there including an entire meal deal. Look, if there's a selling point to students, it's pockets you can fit a meal deal in!  This blue jumper is actually from b.Young on Asos and you'd be right in thinking Rhiannon and I do indeed have matching ones - we own the same jumper and it most definitely was a conscious choice and if that isn't true friendship I don't know what is.

How have you been in January? 

Em xx

My Vaginismus Story | Eight Months Later

Thursday 24 January 2019


Hey everyone! So remember that time when I wrote a massive long blogpost about how my vagina doesn't work properly? Well, if you don't, read it here first before embarking on this one or you're gonna be slightly confused!

So to recap...I left you at starting therapy. Well, I did, and I thought I'd tell you today about that therapy and how it's going. The main therapy program that I've been on is a dilator course which is a much more physical way of tackling the problem. As you'll remember I spoke about how vaginismus isn't always caused by trauma, it can also be caused by a strict upbringing and being taught that sex is wrong, hormone changes or just being born with it. Because the psychosexual therapist doesn't focus too much on the cause of it, rather the 'rehab', it's much more physically based. (I was referred to a trauma specialist and I had a few sessions before deciding it's something I don't really need to bring up again - it's hard but those sessions did help me process the fact it happened and accepting what happened and realising it wasn't my fault)

Essentially, a dilator set is like a set of plastic cones that range in size from 1 to 5, the idea that 1 is the size of say, a pinkie finger and 5 is the size of a diiiiiick. (I don't know how to do this seriously). The idea behind it is that it's retraining your muscles to respond positively to the stimulation of penetration rather than negatively, which is what causes the tightening and the pain that characterises vaginismus. So you start off on the first size, and gently insert that (obviously using lube because ow) as far as you can, and then just working up to being able to move it in and out comfortably with no pain. Once you can do that, you move to the next size up and so on and so on. The idea is to introduce your muscles to the idea of penetration gradually, rather than rushing into it.


It's weird. Trust me, you think it's going to be over really quickly but it's just not. I was surprised with my progress at first - size 1 I had no issues with whatsoever, no pain, completely comfortable and I was wildly surrpised and relieved at this revelation (I phoned my best friend Rachel almost immediately afterwards, I think I even still had the dilator inserted!), but my doctor had warned me that this can happen and a lot of women go straight into trying to have sex again which can actually undo all that progress, so I was a bit more patient and moved onto the second size, and the third. I'm currently stuck on the third size but hey - I'm doing better than I was a few months back. I started doing the therapy in about October time and it's taken me 3 or so months to get onto the third size, which definitely gives me hope that it won't be too much longer.

I think the important thing to remember, and a very important lesson I've learned in the past three months, is that patience and perseverance are key. It's so easy to think about giving up the first time you try and it doesn't work, but you have to keep going with this sort of thing. I've been waiting a long time for someone to help me with this and now that the help is there and readily available I'm trying my best to see it through. Of course it's difficult - I know I said about not rushing into anything but my boyfriend and I did try, and while it didn't work completely, I got closer than I ever have done before, which is what I tried to think about rather than the fact we didn't succeed. It's a case of being slow and steady, as that's what's going to work in the long term for a condition like this.


I'm extremely lucky to have such a good support system round me, with my doctor, my friends, my boyfriend, but I know it's not as easy for all women. As I said in my first post, all I've wanted to do is try and raise awareness of these issues and try and help women to see that these conditions are real, they're not alone in suffering with them and that it's okay to ask for help. Go to a GP and wear them down, make them see that it's serious - you do not need to be embarrassed because your vagina is just another part of your body and if it's not working properly then it needs some attention. Go to a sexual health clinic and ask to be referred to a psychosexual specialist who can set you on the right course of treatment for your condition. And remember, please reach out to me if you think you suffer with one of these and want to talk about it with someone who will listen, understand and won't tell you you're being silly because you most definitely aren't. You deserve to be listened to and taken seriously, and I will do that with anyone who reaches out to me.

Let me know if there's any other questions you have about vaginismus and sexy times and I'll try my best to answer them!

Em xx

2019 Bullet Journal Update

Saturday 5 January 2019


Ahhh it's here!! My blockbuster bullet journal 2019 setup. I had so much fun doing this, so I'm just going to hop straight in or I'll ramble forever and heck do we have a LOT to get through. I decided not to get an entire new bullet journal this year because I'm hoping this will take me to the end of this academic year and then I can start a new one next academic year as yes, I still have ONE of them left!!!! Who knows what we'll do after that though. (read: I'm not thinking about it)


I hugely used AmandaRachLee's video for this setup- we all know how much I love this girl, her style is just up my street and I will forever credit her with the reason why I got into bullet journalling, calligraphy and how I discovered an artistic side of myself I'd never seen before. So my 2019 title page is just very simple, hello 2019 in calligraphy and some big block capital letters. While Amanda's is all in black and white, I decided to put some colourful accents into mine in my favourite colours. I did a year at a glance between this and the next spreads but decided not to photography it because it's just not that interesting...


So the next two spreads are taken up by my future log. The point of the future log is to have the entire year written out in front of you, meaning you can pop in important dates each month and when it comes to your monthly logs you can refer back to this and see what you've got going on this month. I split my pages into three like Amanda did, did my titles in solid calligraphy and then a little calendar so I can colour in the dates of important things and write them down next to it.


These next two spreads look really cute in my opinion!! This is where I deviated from Amanda's video since I didn't want all the pages she had, so I've done a goals page like she did, but made it much smaller as I have quite a few less goals! I still liked the idea of splitting them up into categories, for me it makes them less overwhelming. If you want to read about my 2019 goals pop over to my last post!! The next is just my memories, so every time something good happens I'll write it down here and hopefully will have a full page by the end of the year!!


This spread is my ideas pages - YouTube and blogging is going to take off this year, I'm going to make absolutely sure of it, but I wanted to start brainstorming early. So every time I have an idea for a post, I'll write it down here and when it comes to my smaller monthly lists I'll refer back to this and see what I can still do.


And then we come onto my January spread!!! I used the same theme of snowflakes that I did for my December 2017 spread, but jut a bit simpler and toned down this time.




My calendar layout is pretty much exactly the same as always - I love this spread and this is where I pop all my things for this month in, and then when it comes to doing my weeklies I'll refer back to this. This is why the system woRKS, kids. As you can see, popped in a few cute snowflakes here and there and we're good to move on.



Again, habit tracker and ideas spreads exactly the same as always, I feel like these work so well for me at this point there's no point changing it if it's working? I put in this quote too to fill up some empty space which I really love.


And then my same as always boring weekly. I just love this layout, it just works for everything I need and while I've tried so so many weekly layouts I always find myself coming back to this one as it just has everything I need. I do also have my expense tracker on the next page but I'm thinking of doing an entire other post about how I track my finances etc etc so look out for that if it's something you're interested in.

And that's it for my bullet journal this year and for January. I love it so much and I think in the last part of 2018 I really cracked the system and how to use it properly so I think 2019 is going to be a much more organised year for me. Plus, when I have really good, pretty spreads I always find it motivates me to actually use it more!! 

Bullet Journal Products:
 - Leuchtturm 1917 dotted a5 journal
- Tombow dual brush pens (772, 837 for the pinks and 553 for the blue/lilac)
- Pentel Fude Touch sign pen (best. calligraphy. pen. ever.)
- Pigma Micron 0.3mm fineliner
- Pilot G2 07 gel pen (yes, I have moved on from my beloved 05)

What do your bullet journals look like this year?

Em xx


2018 | Thank You, Next

Thursday 3 January 2019


I'm going to be completely honest, 2018 has been a massive bitch for me. Don't get me wrong, it's taken a serious turn for the better September onwards, but the previous eight months?? Honestly, I'd just like to forget they happened.


I think this year has brought about the most personal growth for me. It's gonna sound really really cheesy and cliche but I'm one step closer to finding myself. I'm the sort of person who's never really had an identity as such, I've never been that girl who does this or anything like that but I think this year has led to finding that identity a bit more. Life has strengthened me by throwing me a somewhat toxic relationship and subsequent heartbreak, making me realise that love is not something you can force and a relationship is not something to waste time searching for and trying to make it happen. I've learned how to speak back to people and not let them walk all over me, something that was seriously holding me back. Not that I've turned into a massive bitch or anything (I hope) but I've just learned not to take any shite from anyone. Life's too short for that.


I don't think I'll be setting any concrete New Year resolutions or goals as such this year. Instead, I'm giving myself a motto rather than a resolution and that's simply just to try harder and I'm going to try and apply that to every aspect of my life - my friendships, my blog, my relationship, social media, YouTube, organisation, mental and physical wellbeing - literally everything. I'm the sort of person who doesn't do well with actual goal setting, I tend to pile too much onto myself and then feel bad if I can't do it all. That being said though, I have a few things I want to try and do this year that aren't exactly goals, but things I'm going to challenge myself to just to keep me going, for example I want to educate myself more. 


There are so many fields I'm interested in outside my own, like economics, feminism, politics, psychology etc etc so I think some nonfiction reading is definitely on the cards and with that, I want to write more life-y content on my blog. I was talking to my girl Fran the other day and we've both decided we want to talk more about these things, our opinions, our politics, feminism, change up that content to be a bit more real. Of course, I love my fashion and beauty posts and they won't be going anywhere, but I also want to talk about Brexit and women and intersectionality and all the good social awareness/world affairs stuff because it's all things I love and I'm interested in. 


Also on the blog front, it sort of ties into trying harder but I'm hoping that with the trying harder I'll be able to reach 2000 Instagram followers and 1000 YouTube subscribers. I'm also hoping to go self-hosted this year so hopefully will be able to score myself a few more collaborations. As you can see I've already (kind of) got into the shooting thing again with Ellie, but can we NOT talk about the fact that my face is pretty much reflective in some of these photos??? I know I'm pale, but why am I so shiny?!?!


So there you have it - goodbye 2018, one of the less great years, and hello 2019, who has a very low standard to meet. It's not going to be hard to make this a better one - so bring it the f*ck on.

What are you going to try and achieve this year?

Em xx
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